Showing posts with label self improvement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self improvement. Show all posts

Monday, June 27, 2016

Time to Set Sail from Someday Isle

For those of us interested in self improvement...

How many blogs do you read on becoming better at whatever you do?

How many leadership and motivational books have you read? Podcasts listened to?

Would you say that you do these things because you aspire to excellence in your personal and work life? (And, if you currently aren't doing these things, give them a try, maybe get hooked, and remember my challenge here!)

When is enough enough? At what point do you stop ASPIRING and start APPLYING with the goal of ACHIEVING?

When is it time to leave “Someday Isle” (as Jim Rohn puts it)?


All of the reading you do (yes, even this blog) is meant to prime your pump of creativity, give you passion for doing good, encourage you to lead like a servant, fire your desire to inspire, and be the change you wish to see in the world. So, my question: when are you going to get moving?

I must admit, I fall into this trap, too. Sure, things I read and hear may sink in through osmosis and pop out in my thinking or my conversations once in awhile, but really synthesizing and applying takes work, and sometimes, I just don’t wanna do it.

The other day, I finished reading The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. It’s a great book, and I recommend it. The premise: little changes over time will compound into a BIG difference for you. Hardy challenges his readers with action steps at the end of each chapter. He point-blank asked his readers to apply his ideas! Of all the nerve!

Well, I am applying some of his ideas. There is a lot there and it will take some time, but I think I actually am going to like this. I’m achieving small things, and the sum total effect feels great.

So what about you? At what point do you know enough to cross over from aspiration to achievement? Why not jump in and swim away from “Someday Isle?” The water’s fine!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Accident or Design

It occurs to me that our days tend to unfold in one of two ways: by accident or by design.

This struck me after looking back on a recent summer weekday and realizing I had done nothing but float around the house like a half-filled helium balloon: doing a chore here, playing with the kids there, checking email every 20 minutes, thinking about work with no particular purpose in mind, reading a little.

Wow. In the grand scheme of things, I thought, I have done nothing to add value to my life today, and it was by accident. I wasn't intentional. I just existed.

Don't get me wrong, this kind of living has its place. Occasionally, and on purpose. Making a choice to "decompress" or "disconnect" can be a good mental break. But when there exists no purpose to what we do, we have no purpose.

I like to make lists. Lists keep me honest and directed. My usual routine is to make a list in the morning for my day. However, in an effort to quell the recent malaise that has beset me, the teacher in summertime, I recently began writing out to-do lists for the next day as I sit enjoying Netflix in the evening. This little shift has set up my tomorrows much more successfully. I wake up with intention (today it was to start at 5:30 AM with a 30 mile bike ride), and move on to other goals (like writing this post). No floating unless I designed part of my day that way.

Ultimately, we have control over ourselves. That's it. Small steps like setting a few little goals and intentionally designing tomorrow to move ourselves closer to those goals will lead to bigger and bigger things. Avoid accidents with better design.

Friday, January 17, 2014

Smart Phone Apps that Keep You Learning Behind the Wheel

If you are often mindlessly behind the wheel of your car logging windshield time, perhaps with the radio on or maybe in silence, you could be missing an opportunity to engage your mind with positive or enlightening messages. Last year I read something Larry Winget wrote in one of his books about using driving time as another chance to learn.

Since then, I have used several different apps with my Android smartphone to listen and learn while in the car. I commute to my teaching job 40 minutes each day, and the average nonfiction audiobook is six hours in length. If I play an audio book on my way to and from school for each of the 190 days I make the trip, over the course of the school year, I will go through roughly 21 books!

These are the best and most used free apps I use to beam content to my Bluetooth connected radio:

Overdrive Media Console. This app will connect to your public library's audiobook collection and play them with a very nice interface. You are limited to your library's offerings just like you would be for regular books to check out, but if your library has a decent stock of titles, you'll be set. There are over 22,000 libraries that use the system, so chances are good you're a member of one. The other nice thing is that the audiobooks are automatically returned if you don't renew them... No late fees!

Umano. This app is unique in that it offers a curated list of interesting articles from major publications on many different subjects narrated by professional voice actors. I have found many thought provoking and interesting items using Umano. The people employed to read do a quite respectable job. At one time, I had a search in place for inspirational items. The app didn't disappoint, offering a wide array of news and general interest items that fit the category.

uListen is my current "go to" app in the car. It is just great. There are thousands of videos on the youtube with motivating, inspiring, informational, and fascinating topics. Many of these videos are perfectly understandable with no video playing at all (like taped motivational seminars) or are already audio only. uListen will search all of YouTube and will play only the audio from any given video. On the road, cell towers can be spread out. No video means less bandwidth and a smooth playback experience despite poor reception!

Stitcher bills itself as a kind of internet radio. What it actually is is a streaming podcast app with a wide array of content in 18 different subject areas, from current events to religion and spirituality. I like Stitcher because of its streaming platform. Podcasted shows aren't downloaded and don't take space on my phone. Episodes are also dynamically refreshed to the most current without my help. The app also allows the creation of a list of "favorites" to return to time after time.

Do you have favorites in this genre of app? Please share below. I'd love to hear from you!

 

Friday, January 10, 2014

Talk Positive to Me!

If I'm not careful, I can be a pretty negative talker. I can get down on the person I talk to the most, and can be a brutally negative force in his life. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it's true.

And that person is me. All of us carry on more conversations with ourselves than with any other person. Of all the continual banter going on between the ears, a good portion of it can be quite negative.
  • I'm not going to do well...
  • I'm not ready for...
  • I'm too this or I'm too that.
  • I can't....
  • This is too hard...
  • I don't want...

A student who does well in her classes and studies hard for a big test may walk into the classroom on test day saying things like "I hope I do well. I'm not a good test taker." Or "I don't want to bomb this too badly!" That negative self talk programs the mind to go in the opposite direction of the desired result. Of course she wants to do well! In an attempt to lower expectations in her mind to cushion the blow of a possible lower grade, she is opening the door to poor performance. Instead, walking into the classroom with an attitude of "I got this!" leaves no room for negativity.

On the golf course, a golfer tees up the ball and promptly hooks it into the lake. Walking back the the cart he exclaims loudly, "I knew I was going to do that!" (In the interest of full disclosure, I have done AND said this a few times over the years...) Well goodness. If he knew he was going to do it while standing over the ball, why didn't he back away, set his mind on the positive thought of hitting it down the middle of the fairway, and let it rip? I can attest that clearing negative self talk usually works in this case!

To go one step further, imagine all your negative self talk and doubt projected externally to other people. Yuck! Why do you think it is that we can be so outwardly positive but so inwardly negative?
 
Keep your head full of positive information and positive messages. It takes work, but keep your noggin full of ideas from positive and motivating people. As Zig Ziglar was fond of saying, you are who you are and where you are because of what you've put into your head.

Read good books, read the Bible, find inspiration and keep the negative self talk at bay. in doing this, you will be able to more easily recognize then repell negative self talk when it creeps into your head.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Digging for the Good

Andrew Carnegie was one of the richest men in the world at the beginning of the 20th century. He made his millions with keen business acumen and a sharp eye for developing the skill and effectiveness of the people around him. In fact, at one point, he had 43 millionaires working for his companies -- an unheard of occurrence back then. Depending on what index you look at, one million dollars in 1910 is the equivalent of between $25,000,000 (using the consumer price index) and $481,000,000 (as a percent of the US gross domestic product)!

Carnegie was once asked by reporter how he managed to hire 43 millionaires. He responded that none of them were millionaires when he hired them but observed that, "You develop millionaires the way you mine gold. You expect to move tons of dirt to find an ounce of gold, but you don't go into the mine looking for the dirt—you go in looking for the gold."

How often have we seen the "dirt" in other people and assumed that was all there was? How often do we stop digging and move on? Strip mining for gold creates holes in the earth thousands of feet wide and hundreds of feet deep using equipment larger than houses. Our personal gold digging landscape may look only like a sea of gopher holes in the grass.

The difference between the holes is belief. Gold miners dig broad and deep because they know gold is there. If it's easy to see potential gold in someone, we tend to dig deeper too. However, look for the gold in everyone, and not just the easy-to-see stuff. Invest and get digging!

 

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

What Will Be Your Legacy?

Legacy: [LEG-uh-see] anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor.

I am about half way through my career as a music educator. The school year is about to begin, and I am reflecting more this year upon where I have been and where I am going. In a previous post I waxed nostalgic about turning 40, and wrote about my optimism for what lies ahead. But what WILL lie ahead? How will I shape it? Who and what will shape me? No matter your age or profession, these are deep and important questions to ponder.

We are the sum of our experiences, and the resulting wisdom of that tally influences the choices we make today. I can't help but think that if I can approach each day as another opportunity to build my own personal legacy, I will be a better person.  

Legacies take many shapes and come in many different flavors. An elderly woman may leave behind a legacy of inspiring work for the poor upon her passing (Mother Teresa). An elderly man may leave behind a strong, principled family that goes on to dominate a country's political life (Joseph Kennedy). A misguided egomaniac can leave a path of death and destruction for millions of people who do not share his beliefs (Hitler, Mao, Pol Pot, Slobodan Milosovic.) A math teacher in Lincoln, Nebraska can ignite generations of young minds to love math and the discipline it brings the mind (my wife's teaching icon, Mrs. Penner).

There are any number of people in your own sphere of awareness (living or not) whose life legacy resonates in yours. Further, your existence not only has the ability to leave a legacy, but WILL leave a legacy for others (if it hasn't already!)

Every decision you have made and will make continues your personal legacy design process. If you're not happy with your progress or how it might look right now, there is time to change it! Unfortunately, however, we don't know how much time we have until our life's legacy project will come due. Avoiding procrastination in legacy building is in all our best interests!


Sunday, August 4, 2013

Care for the Caretakers

Did you know that many times one of the dirtiest parts of the kitchen is the sink? Seems counterintuitive, doesn't it; the place where the cups, plates, silverware and pans are washed is sometimes the dirtiest.

However, after finishing the pots and pans, we often pull the drain plug and walk away. Residue is left behind that we may not see. After a few days of repeating the same cycle, there might be some light stains on the steel of the sink or a little discoloration on the porcelain.

The sink has done its job, but in the process, it got dirty and we didn't notice right away. Effort by an outside force must be made to clean the sink after it has done its job.

All this ran through my head as I did dishes today. This summer, the high school band that I teach lost two students. One, a 2012 graduate, in a tragic accident and one, a junior to be, to a suicide. It has been tough for students, parents and teachers. Very tough.

In my role as a teacher, I try my hardest to be there for my students in good times and in bad. I believe this is just as important to them (and me) as effectiveness in the classroom. I know I'm not alone. I have surrounded myself with colleagues and friends in the profession who I know do and believe the same thing.

When tragedies occur in our school system, parents and teachers work together to make sure our students make it through the emotional struggle with the help they need. We give our best effort to help our students cope.

Now, here's the parallel between these two seemingly unrelated things... Those in need of care are the "dishes." The caretakers are the "sinks."

Caretakers must be taken care of too. If you are a caretaker, remember you are just as vulnerable, just as emotional, just as human as those whom you care for. Ask for help or accept it when offered. If you know a caretaker, offer encouragement, a shoulder or an ear. It will be appreciated.

 

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Email the Snail Way

I've noticed lately that people want things from me immediately. Usually because of email, immediate responses seem to be the norm rather than the exception. Quite often I oblige and work diligently and quickly to shoot out response after response. Whether or not those responses are the best and measured answers to questions doesn't always occur to me....

... and bad or hasty decisions are usually more trouble than they're worth.

I've been slowly working my way through the great book by Doris Kearns Goodwin called "A Team of Rivals." In this wonderfully researched and presented history, Kearns Goodwin details the life of Abraham Lincoln and those people whom he both competed against (the Rivals) and later asked to join his cabinet (the Team).

The book is written using letters and first hand accounts from people surrounding Lincoln and his election to the presidency. What strikes me most as I read is the pace at which the communication happens.

One of the nice things about living in the era before email and immediate communication was that people took time to think about what they were going to say and think about how they were going to say it. The patience that would then follow -- as letters galloped across the countryside and back again -- would drive us nuts today.

And it's rare to have that patience anymore.

I've read suggestions from others about managing our intake of data. One of those suggestions is to limit our email use to once or perhaps twice per day, setting aside certain times to answer the notes filling our inbox.

I can imagine changing a habit such as checking email would be quite difficult. However I can certainly see the potential upside to this. My life at work could slow down and become more effective. On the other hand, I realize that the people on the other end of the email chain may not be as patient as I might be. This could undoubtedly cause problems.

So what's the answer? I think the best solution is somewhere in the middle of an instantaneous response and waiting for the Pony Express to arrive. When going through emails, why not answer those mundane emails that don't require much thought first, and then cycle back to the more heavier involved-thought questions? And even then, perhaps you will need to give a response a good bit more time (or pick up the phone.)

An email response to a heavier request perhaps later that afternoon or the following day is OK. Life was pretty successful for thousands of years before computers and email. It will probably be okay if that response happens in six hours or 6 seconds.

And perhaps taking the time to think through a response in those six hours will save you that much in headache later.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

No More Going Through the Motions

As I was driving in to work this morning listening to music from the local Christian rock station, Matthew West's song "The Motions" came on. I never heard it before, but it spoke to me immediately.

I want to "be better" in this life for lots of reasons, as I'm sure you do too. This chart from 2009 sums up where I am right now, what I'm thinking, and where I'm hoping to be.

This is my new theme song. See if it speaks you the same way, too.


Matthew West, "The Motions"

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break
At least I'll be feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything 
Instead of going through the motions?

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind 
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

‘Cause I don't wanna go through the motions 
I don't wanna go one more day
Without your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 
What if I had given everything 
Instead of going through the motions?

Take me all the way
(Take me all the way)
Take me all the way
(‘Cause I don't wanna go through the motions)

Take me all the way
(Lord, I'm finally feeling something real)
Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 
What if I had given everything 
Instead of going through the motions?

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 
What if I had given everything 
Instead of going through the motions?
Take me all the way
(Take me all the way)
Take me all the way
(I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)

Take me all the way
(Through the motions)
Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

Friday, March 22, 2013

How Guilt Can Zap Your Desire to Be Better (And What to Do About It)


I've wrestled lately with what I've noticed is a distracting and potentially debilitating side effect of the desire to become a better person, parent, spouse, son or daughter, mentor, teacher, colleague, friend, blogger, etc.: guilt.

I believe the feeling of guilt is derived from the lack of clarity of our life's priorities. How we can work on one part of our life while maintaining balance in another demands clarity of purpose and direction. The deeper we dip into becoming better at living intentionally, the more important the need for this clarity becomes. Without clarity, we begin to wonder if our internal GPS will take us to the right place, and doubt can lead to guilt that another potentially more important part of our life is being neglected.

We all have this issue bouncing around in our heads from time to time, and I believe it's a healthy side effect of living intentionally – as long as we realize that this feeling should be addressed as soon as possible. Constant reflection upon our priorities and how we act upon them is vital and necessary. After all, small corrections in our course over time will get us to where we want to go.

Keeping the most important priorities in the forefront of our daily journey is vital to reducing the guilt that flows from self-doubt.

The parable below has been a part of my thinking on this subject for a long time. I am not sure where I first read it or heard it told, but it illustrates the point I am trying to make here well.

One day, an old professor of the School of Public Management in France, was invited to lecture on the topic of “Efficient Time Management” in front of a group of 15 executive managers representing the largest, most successful companies in America. The lecture was one in a series of 5 lectures conducted in one day, and the old professor was given 1 hr to lecture. 
Standing in front of this group of elite managers, who were willing to write down every word that would come out of the famous professor’s mouth, the professor slowly met eyes with each manager, one by one, and finally said, “we are going to conduct an experiment”. 
From under the table that stood between the professor and the listeners, the professor pulled out a big glass jar and gently placed it in front of him. Next, he pulled out from under the table a bag of stones, each the size of a tennis ball, and placed the stones one by one in the jar. He did so until there was no room to add another stone in the jar. Lifting his gaze to the managers, the professor asked, “Is the jar full?” The managers replied, “Yes”. 
The professor paused for a moment, and replied, “Really?” 
Once again, he reached under the table and pulled out a bag full of pebbles. Carefully, the professor poured the pebbles in and slightly rattled the jar, allowing the pebbles to slip through the larger stones, until they settled at the bottom. Again, the professor lifted his gaze to his audience and asked, “Is the jar full?” 
At this point, the managers began to understand his intentions. One replied, “apparently not!” 
“Correct”, replied the old professor, now pulling out a bag of sand from under the table. 
Cautiously, the professor poured the sand into the jar. The sand filled up the spaces between the stones and the pebbles. 
Yet again, the professor asked, “Is the jar full?”  
Without hesitation, the entire group of students replied in unison, “NO!” 
“Correct”, replied the professor. And as was expected by the students, the professor reached for the pitcher of water that was on the table, and poured water in the jar until it was absolutely full. The professor now lifted his gaze once again and asked, “What great truth can we surmise from this experiment?” 
With his thoughts on the lecture topic, one manager quickly replied, “We learn that as full as our schedules may appear, if we only increase our effort, it is always possible to add more meetings and tasks.” 
“No”, replied the professor. The great truth that we can conclude from this experiment is:
If we don’t put all the larger stones in the jar first, we will never be able to fit all of them later.
The auditorium fell silent, as every manager processed the significance of the professor’s words in their entirety. 
The old professor continued, “What are the large stones in your life? Health? Family? Friends? Your goals? Doing what you love? Fighting for a Cause? Taking time for yourself?” 
What we must remember is that it is most important to include the lager stones in our lives, because if we don’t do so, we are likely to miss out on life altogether. If we give priority to the smaller things in life (pebbles & sand), our lives will be filled up with less important things, leaving little or no time for the things in our lives that are most important to us. Because of this, never forget to ask yourself, 
What are the Large Stones in your Life? 
And once you identify them, be sure to put them first in your “Jar of Life”. 
With a warm wave of his hand, the professor bid farewell to the managers, and slowly walked out of the room.

Take care of the large stones first – the things that REALLY matter. Set your priorities. The rest are just pebbles and sand. If you put the sand or the pebbles into the jar first, there will be no room left for the stones.

The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, you will never have room for things that are truly most important.

Pay attention to the things that are critical in your life. Take time to play with your children. Take your partner out for dinner. Take time to have a chat with your loved ones. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house and give a dinner party.

Sometimes the less important things in life can distract us, filling up our time and keeping us away from what really matters. I encourage you to take a moment and ask yourself, is your jar of life full of sand & pebbles or is it filled with large stones?

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

A Personal Look at Turning 40


So I recently turned 40. Like most middle age birthdays that end in a zero, this one got me thinking about life and how I'm living it.

I really don't feel different... my warranty period still seems to be in effect: parts and pieces are still working well enough, thank you very much. No, what is different this time around is what is happening between my ears.

I've been reading more, thanks to a growing interest in personal development fed by book and blog reading, writing, Twitter, Facebook, and friends. This perspective is a great thing, since milestones like a 40th birthday take on new meaning when viewed through the lens of life's journey.

The average life expectancy in the United States is 77.97 years. By my calculations, I am about half way through my tour on planet earth. A lot has happened since my birth, of course, all of which has led me to where I am now. You are in the same boat, too. We are all a sum of our experiences and choices.

As I look ahead to the next 40 years, I am excited! When I think back on my life thus far, 40 years is a long time. A good chunk of it was spent just getting up to full speed in life and learning about living better.

Now that I'm moving rapidly down the road (passing milestones along the way), I have a better idea of what I want for me and those whom I love, I have many positive relationships in place, and I have a clear(ish) vision for my future. The pieces are in place! Time to ramp up and soar!   

Monday, February 18, 2013

You Could Be Your Own Worst Enemy


What is your performance potential? I'm guessing it's greater than you think. The bigger question you should ask yourself is “How much less can I interfere with my potential for greatness?”

Every day in my music classroom I work with highly talented teenagers. These young people have huge amounts of performance potential. Most have one or more of the following that contribute to their potential: natural ability, high levels of intelligence, desire and/or work ethic. The same holds true for the adults that I associate with at school and in my private life.

However, I think you'll agree that the percentage of people (and I count myself in this group) who fall short of consistently reaching their full potential is much closer to 100 than 0.

What gets in the way of fully realizing our potential? I argue that it is our inner conversation that interferes with doing our absolute best. We talk to ourselves thousands of times per day. Among all the mundane self-chatter is self-talk that either elevates or deflates us.

Deflating self talk like “I'm not good enough,” “I am not ready,” “I will make a mistake,” or “I am afraid of what others will think of me” robs us of our true potential.

In the mid 1940's Claude Bristol referred to the incredible power of positive self-talk in his book “The Magic of Believing.” Modern day “success coach” Tony Robbins teaches the positive power of what he calls “incantations” to change your life. Further, Dr. John Izzo writes about the concept of minimizing negative self influence in his most recent book “The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die.”

Years ago, I read “The Inner Game of Music” by Timothy Gallway. In it, he outlines an equation that has stuck with me and that I continue to use with students today:

Po-I=Pe

This equation sums up this blog post rather nicely. Our potential (Po) minus our self-interference (I) equals our performance (Pe). The closer we can move “I” to zero, the greater our performance will be. Further, if you were able to overwhelm negative self-interference with positive self talk, your performance could conceivably supersede your potential!

This will take an intentional effort and much practice, but on the quest to be a better person, it will be well worth it!

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Are You An Energy Sucker?

Are you an energy giver or taker?

I had my hair cut today. Rather than wait for the stylist to start conversation like usual, I began with a simple "how are you today?" What ensued was a 15 minute discussion detailing much of what was wrong in her life at present: two family members in the hospital, a manager that treats his employees poorly, and a slow work day were just some of the highlights. I wanted to leave.

I believe we can sense when we are with someone who is environmentally energizing or someone who is de-energizing. We are naturally attracted to people who are vivacious, bubbly, engaging, smart, interested and giving. Similarly, if we ARE those people, others are drawn to us.

Think about a bank. At its simplest, you walk up to teller and either make a withdrawal or a deposit. Challenge yourself to move throughout your day conscious of whether you're withdrawing or depositing into the emotional and energy banks of people around you. And just like investing, the returns usually take time to be realized.

In my afternoon high school concert band rehearsals lately, I prod my students -- many of whom have sat passively in other classes for a good part of the day -- to use their instruments to send vibrant sound energy and personality into the room. I tell them that they are either adding or subtracting to the environment, so work to add positively to the room. My request has yet to fail in creating a better sound and better results!

So it is with emotional energy as well. You have the choice. Make the investment and choose wisely!

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Live With Integrity: Trust Your Gut

I've learned that to ignore the still, small voice -- of logic, conscience, or whatever you may call it -- inside of me is a Bad idea. Too many times have I pretended that a decision that I made was the right one when all along my gut was telling me otherwise.

Moreover, marginalizing that still, small voice and delaying a decision is usually just as difficult as making the wrong decision. In my career as an educator, I have procrastinated making a phone call or sending an email because the results could be painful. If only I could bottle the feeling of relief after resolving conflict. That would indeed be a valuable and potent elixir. One swig would remind me that to take care of a problem quickly and with integrity is nothing to fear.

My "gut" and I had our first professional "run-in" about 15 years ago. I was running a university summer music camp that had clearly defined rules and regulations that governed student behavior. During the first night of the week-long camp, two campers chose to break the rules. The following morning, it was my responsibility to call their parents and tell them to return to the university, pick them up, and take them home without the refund of several hundred dollars each. The plot thickened, as one of these two was the daughter of a university regent. For the sake of the other campers, I took swift and decisive action and trusted my gut. Luckily, the result was anything but painful. The parents understood, the campers went home, and my sense of relief is still memorable.

Some of us deal with important and difficult decisions every day in our profession. If not there, our personal lives are full of decisions that need us to be honest and forthright because they can -- and do -- affect other people.

What I found over time, though, is that confronting a decision and trusting my still, small voice has resulted in better outcomes than I could hope for.

Whether or not a decision was ultimately right or wrong, if I have made it based on integrity and/or my best intentions, I know that I will be more comfortable with dealing with any possible, difficult aftermath -- I have moral ground upon which to stand.

What is your still, small voice saying to you? Trust it.

 

Sunday, January 6, 2013

To Tweet or Not to Tweet. There is No Question!


I like Twitter. I like it a lot.

I created a Twitter account over a year ago, and have to admit that I signed up not really knowing what it was about. For a long time never used it. I used Facebook quite a bit over the past few years to be social online, but Twitter had never really made my radar.

Why Jayson, you may (or may not) be asking, wouldn't you be more involved in this magical world called the "Twitterverse" by the "Tweeple" who inhabit it?

The Boring Back Story
Well, I wasn't sure I needed another social outlet to obsess over, and I'm sure my wife felt the same way. (There was an unholy obsession with “Mafia Wars” for a time, and I am sorry to say there was too much time spent collecting “friends” I had never met who shared my passion for pretend criminal activity.)

Thank heavens I resisted the temptation of Farmville.

Flash forward to November 2012. I was asked to write a guest blog post for the Simpson College Music Department's web page, and I happily obliged. I enjoyed doing it and received positive feedback. That experience led me to begin my own blog (you're reading it now!), and like any good, technologically savvy American, I did research about how best to write a blog, how to get it out to the masses to read and how to get ideas about which to write. It was clear after some poking around that Twitter was a social networking medium that had a track record of providing just these benefits.

I took the plunge just before Thanksgiving 2012, and as of early January 2013, I can honestly say that, yep, Twitter is awesome.

How I Use Twitter...
… may not be how you might use it. I know of many (most often) younger people who use it to create a running diary of their life or use it as a way to dialogue with friends. As a professional and educator, this use for twitter is of no interest to me.

In my view, Twitter is the single best way for me to harness the power of the internet for professional development.

You will easily find thousands and thousands of people using Twitter for this very same purpose, and there are many free resources online that will help you understand how easy it is to get to these people.

My blog, Being Better Today, focuses on personal development. I have found hundreds of people on Twitter willing to share links they have found, quotes, ideas and blogs about this topic. Can I read everything? Of course not. But among the many links thrown my way daily, there are always one or two that grab my attention and get read. I'm learning... and growing... and sharing... and helping.

I am a professional music educator. On Twitter, there are many more hundreds of music educators, music organizations, school principals, district superintendents and curriculum wonks I follow (and who are kind enough to follow me) from around the world. These folks share their online finds and personal knowledge to anyone who cares to read it. It is truly fantastic! My Twitter feed is full of expert thoughts on music technology, teaching pedagogy, educational research and more. Truly passionate teachers contribute to their Twitter following, and I'm proud to be a part of that company!

To Tweet is to participate personally in a global conversation. How do YOU use Twitter? In my best teacher voice, “Please share with the group.”

Oh, and if you'd like to follow me, the link is on the right. I'd love to learn with you!

My favorite Twitter hashtags:
#personaldevelopment
#motivation
#inspiration
#musedchat
#edchat

Short list of my favorite Tweeple to follow if you're just getting started:
@LollyDaskal (leadership, self improvement)
@MichaelHyatt (leadership)
@Scott_Watson (music education)
@AngelaMaiers (leadership, education)
@pisanojm (education and technology)
@mcleod (education)
@garyloper (using twitter, inspiration)

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Being Out of the Box, Part 3

As we close the "miniseries" on the great work by the Arbinger Institute, the thoughts below detail how we can stay out of the box and help to invite positive change in others.

Our way of being rules over all.

What do we mean by "way of being"? In fact, it means the way of being with others, the way we are in relationship. Human beings are social beings, and we know ourselves in comparison with and through the eyes of others. Our "self-image" is really a "self-image-in-relationship-with-others."

As I've pointed out in a prevoius post, there are two ways of seeing others: as persons (out of the box), or as objects (in the box).

  • As persons: we see people as persons when we recognize their uniqueness just like ours, with their flaws and qualities, just like ours, with desires, hopes, doubts and concerns, just like ours - in short, when we acknowledge all the richness of their humanity.
  • As objects: we see people as objects when we "de-personalize" them, for example when we reduce them to a category (an American, an Arab, a Rich), to a role (a Customer, a Clerk, a Politician), or just to a quality (a Jerk, a Snob, an Inconsiderate Neighbor). There are three ways of seeing a person as object: as an obstacle ("my Needy Husband is making my life a burden!"), as a vehicle ("this Client will hopefully sign the contract and make me rich."), or as an irrelevancy ("I never bothered talking to this Idiot...").
Staying out of the box

If you think about it, you are most likely not "in the box" with everyone you know. Probably one of the most effective ways to climb out of the box is to reflect on how you relate to people you know you appreciate and see as people, and try hard to transfer that mindset to others that you struggle with. Continually being aware of how you interact with people is key.

I recently had separate discussions with two students who were at odds with each other... it happens in the band room from time to time. I asked each how they thought the other perceived them. After getting some good honest answers (not nice, overbearing, inconsiderate), I asked if those adjectives were accurate to how they thought of themselves. Of course, the answer was no. We then briefly discussed why the other would think the way they do. It was a round-about way of showing them that they were in the box toward each other.

After we identified issues of conflict, I asked each to list some qualities about the other that they admired. Each was again honest (hard working, generous, funny). To tie things up, I challenged each student to think of those things they admired about the other during future interactions. When I follow up soon, hopefully, there will be some positive movement in their relationship!

Inviting change in others


If we think about it, we cannot make people change; we can only invite them to change. They decide, in the end, whether they accept the invitation.

We focus on "correcting what's wrong"...

Dealing with what is going wrong is to focus on the problem we see in others - it means correcting, criticizing, fixing, disciplining, punishing, etc. Does it often work when you tell someone he should be different? Have you often changed after someone told you how wrong you were?

 

Sometimes yes, you might say. But it's likely that most of the time, it doesn't work. What to do then? Well in my experience, we tend to keep trying harder, louder, longer, hoping that one day, he will get it!

That's the classic pattern, and that's how conflicts tend to get entrenched.

...And forget to "help things go right"

There is nothing wrong about wanting others to change, but if "dealing with what's going wrong" doesn't work, it is usually because we have been doing it at the expense of helping things go right. As the pyramid diagram shows, in order to invite change, helping things go right is the biggest part of the work. There are several parts to it, and that's where we need to spend most of our time and energy.

In simple terms, it is to say that we have more chance to invite change in someone if we approach her without resentment, if we have built a relationship with her and her friends/family, if we have listened and learnt from her, and if we explain clearly the change we want to invite. Is that really surprising?

If it doesn't work, look deeper

The secret of the Peacemaking Pyramid is that it prompts us to look for solutions to a problem at a deeper level than the one the problem seems to be at. The answer to a problem at one level of the pyramid lies at the level below.

  • If my attempts to correct you fail, I need to look at the way I am communicating and explaining what I want - am I being clear? Am I giving a consistent rationale for what I want?
  • If my communicating and teaching fail, I need to look at my listening and learning from you. There is little chance you will listen to my teaching if I don't even try to understand your perspective. If your concerns are not included in my understanding of the situation, why would you listen to me?
  • Even if I'm open to listen to your concerns, you may not bother share them with me if you don't like or respect me. I then need to focus on building a stronger relationship with you, it's a necessary condition.
  • It is possible that my attempts to influence you are unsuccessful not because you are closed, but because you have people with influence around you (parents, friends, co-workers, etc.) pushing you in the other direction. I may need to also build a relationship with people around you, in order to make them part of the change too, or their influence will be too strong for you to swim against the current.
  • If you are not receptive to my influence in spite of all the above conditions being met, something more fundamental might be missing. Of course, it can be that you just don't like the change I invite in you. But it can also be that I am not inviting it from a deep desire to help you, in which case you may be defensive against my deeper intentions. I therefore need to look at my "way of being:" do I really come to you with a heart at peace? Let's explore this point in more depth in the following section.

Our "Way of being" colors the world

The first and most fundamental step for helping things go right is to obtain a heart at peace. It is not so much the actions we take that invite war, but the way we are while taking them. The same action can be done from a heart at peace or a heart at war. Inviting the other to change with a heart at war, even if you are right about the thing to change, is likely to provoke a defensive reaction. If the dishes need to be done and you are nagged to do them because you are focused on another task you deem more important, your natural tendency is to eventally do the dishes, but perhaps with resentment. Your heart is at war with the person who nagged.


What determines which way we see someone? Simply, our choice.

I cannot more strongly recommend The Anatomy of Peace to you. When you truly want to dig deeper and work to become a better person, this book will be a wonderful, effective jumping-off point.



 

Friday, December 21, 2012

10 "R's" of Effective Teachers

Recently a student and I were having a casual conversation in my office. Mark and I were visiting when out of the blue, he asks me, "Mr. Gerth, how do you teach?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. "How can I work with teenagers every day?"

Laughing, he replied, "Naw, you know, how are you able to get us to do what we do?"

How do I do what I do to get my students to learn? Man, that's a deep question. We talked for awhile about how important it is for teachers to build relationships and to connect with students, to manage the classroom well, to prepare for each class, etc.

As we were talking, it got me thinking about universal things I think all effective teachers do. There are shelves of books written about the topic of effective teaching (a great place to start would be to pick up anything written by Harry Wong). Since this wasn't the first time I've gotten this line of questioning from current or former students, I figure I should put some of my thoughts on paper. Here it goes in no particular order...

1. Effective teachers are selfless.
Teaching is a selfless art form. The hours are long, the perks aren't great and the clientele can be difficult to work with sometimes. However, there is intense reliance on teachers by students and their families to provide the absolute best possible product (an educated, trained mind) that they can. There can be no room for ego in the production of bright minds. "I" and "me" has no place in effective teaching.

2. Effective teachers are teachers first, specialists second.
When it comes down to it, a master teacher can teach nearly anything. If he or she can relate to his or her students and knows enough to prepare ahead of time, s/he will be successful. For example, I've witnessed master music teachers create great results in the English classroom when called upon. Effectively relaying content and creating understanding is a universal aspect of great teaching.

3. Effective teachers are learners.


As Socrates said, "The more I learn, the more I learn how little I know." Effective teachers understand that there is always another way, and perhaps a better way to teach something. The Twitterverse, for example, is brimming with fantastic educators willing to share insight and thought provoking content ripe for the picking. Books by our generation's deep thinkers and those of past generations are but a mouse click away from our Kindle, iPad or smartphone. Effective teachers seek out help from others (and help others) to become better at what they do.

4. Effective teachers surround themselves with positive, honest people. In turn, THEY are honest, positive people.
There's no denying that effective teachers need positive support. They also know that there is no time to deal with negativity or dishonesty in their professional lives. When it tries to creep in from time to time, great teachers know it when they see it, however, and quickly dodge it's influence.

5. Effective teachers are fantastic listeners.
This is a page right out of the Covey "Seven Habits" play book. Effective teachers know that whether they are in a room of professional peers or among their students, there is much more to be gained by sharing the dialogue and seeking to understand different points of view before contributing their thoughts.

6. Effective teachers are prepared for any eventuality.
This one takes time to develop. Master teachers have, over the course of time, developed a deep bag of tricks that they can go to when plan A, B, C and maybe D have not worked to deal with a situation. The bag's depth is proportional to the teachers real world experience and desire to learn (see #3 above.)

7. Effective teachers are able to meet students where they are.
Great teachers continually assess their students and determine the best courses of action to move them from one place to another. They know their job is not to assume anything about what each student knows, but rather to determine what their students need and give them as much as they can to meet those needs (see #6).

8. Effective teachers are communicators.
Education is a team effort. Great teachers answer parent emails in a timely fashion, follow up with phone messages as soon as they are able, and send notes and messages home proactively informing parents of upcoming events, celebrating achievements, and/or expressing concern. If you want to immediately become more effective as a teacher, resolve to become a better communicator.

9. Effective teachers are balanced.
I'm going out on a limb here, but I believe that truly great teachers understand that teaching is what they do, not who they are. Sure great teachers are always thinking about being better and finding ways of reaching their students, but I think they understand that being one dimensional is not the best way to operate.

I was walking through the hall of our middle school last winter and stopped at a poster display introducing several of that school's faculty to students. I was amazed at the varied interests of these teachers: white water rafting, sky diving, running, painting and cooking were among those that these teachers listed. Keeping a balanced life to effective teachers means following their own passions outside of the classroom too!

10. Effective teachers are relationship builders.
Without the ability to create a safe, trusting classroom environment, teachers will fail at effectiveness. Positive, strong relationships

As a high school band director, I don't know where I would be if it weren't for parent volunteers and administrative support! These folks have saved my bacon over the years. Not only do effective teachers build great relationships with their students, they create relationships with parents who volunteer in the classroom, chaperone trips and help in many other ways. They also have solid professional relationships with the folks managing the front office, the custodians, board members, principals and of course, other teachers.

There are many other things that you probably think I've missed. I'd like to hear from you! What more are effective teachers?



Sunday, December 16, 2012

Being Out of the Box, Part 2

Choices, choices, choices. Paper or plastic? Left or right? Chocolate or vanilla? Cash or credit? Every day we are confronted with hundreds, if not thousands of choices. Many of them are as inconsequential as choosing to cross our legs when we sit down. Yet others can move us from simply existing to transcending. As Albert Camus once said, "We are the sum of our choices." How true!

As I wrote in the first part of this series, according to the Arbinger Institute's fantastic books The Anatomy of Peace and Leadership and Self Deception, we are "in the box" toward others when we see them as objects in the way of our goals or plans. When we fail to see the humanity in others, we dehumanize (objectify) them, elevating ourselves in importance. In the process, consequently, we dehumanize ourselves as well.

We move into the box when we make a choice that goes against our sense of what is right, just or decent. This is called "Self betrayal." Imagine this scenario for example: you are walking down a busy street in a large city. On the corner ahead, you see a homeless pan handler and feel a momentary twang of pity. Immediately following that twang, however, you think of ways to ignore him, perhaps quickening your pace. As you walk by, you avoid eye contact. You pretend to be busy doing something on your smart phone, or simply look the other way.

How are you seeing that man? As a down and out person who may have had a recently rough life and could use a smile or a hand? No. He has been objectified as something to ignore. This is where the box comes into play. In order for us to feel OK with ignoring the homeless in this example, we betray our natural prediliction to help and begin to justify our behavior... "I'm in a hurry." "I don't have any money to spare." "I don't want to be seen as a soft touch." "Maybe he would attack me." "He would only buy drugs or alcohol with the money!" You see my point.

All of a sudden, though, we have dehumanized him in order to be comfortable with our choice. We had an opportunity to respond to our natural sense of decency, but chose to deny it. In justifying our behavior, we are "in the box" toward him.

To draw a parallel with another book, in Stephen Covey's "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" he relates the following story:

"One day on the subway, while quietly reading a book, I was interrupted by two wild children that got on with their father at a subway stop.

"The children were out of control, jumping up and down, running loudly through the subway car.

"The father seemed not to notice or care that his children were misbehaving and disturbing commuters…

"I approached the father and wanted to scold him for not controlling his children and teaching them respect for others…

The father agreed, and sighed sullenly, saying “yeah, I just don’t know what to do or say to them. We just came from the hospital where their mother died from a random assault….”

Hearing this story immediately changed Stephen’s paradigm of the children and the situation. He went on to explore this and counsel the man who had lost his wife.

When relating to peers in the workplace, students at school, or family members at home, it is important to our effectiveness that we do what we can to avoid seeing others as objects.

How will we be able to do this? Part three in this series will address the suggestions that the Arbinger Institute makes to pull us out of our boxes (and keep us out!)

 

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Being Out of the Box: Part 1

Have a look at this video I found recently. As you watch, keep in mind that the silver sedan has its windows open:

Thanks to a good friend of mine, Alan Feirer, I discovered two books that have already shaped the way I interact with each person with whom I come in contact. The Arbinger Institute has published two critically acclaimed tomes: Leadership and Self Deception and its follow up book, The Anatomy of Peace.

The mission of the Institute is to help people understand that improved effectiveness as a person can be had by looking within at how we see other people. It rises out of many decades of research and has a firm grounding in philosophy.

At its essence, the philosophy of improving our effectiveness boils down to whether we see other people as objects that stand in the way of our own goals of achievement and/or advancement, or if we see others as people just like us; with the same kinds of hopes, dreams, worries and fears as ourselves. Seeing others as objects is referred to by Arbinger as being "in the box."

Would you say that the drivers in the video are considerate of each other's humanity? Um, no. Each saw the other as in the way, and the driver of the SUV went so far as to feel justified enough to retaliate for what he or she felt was a wrong doing.

The humbling thing about thinking of people as objects is that we all do it at different times each and every day. We probably see people this way more often than we care to admit. This is a HARD truth, and one that I continue to grapple with.

According to these great books, how does one more specifically climb into or out of the box? Find out:

Being Out of the Box: Part 2

Being Out of the Box: Part 3

 
 

Sunday, November 25, 2012

7 Surefire Paths to an Attitude of Gratitude

During this time of year especially, giving thanks is at the forefront of our minds. The more I read and the more I participate in social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, the more I see my friends, followers and fellow bloggers addressing the topic and/or giving thanks in tweets and status updates. This got me thinking about the different ways we can show gratitude not just during the holidays, but year-round.

There are many ways we can express our gratitude. Below are six that have worked for me in the past:


Journaling

Take a moment each day to jot down something you're thankful for. Journaling is an easy and quick way to get you thinking about those things that happen to you during the day that are good. Folks who journal their thanks begin to look for the positive in their days, and the negative, while it is still a part of every day to some degree, tends to be minimized. Also, when you have those bad days, looking back through all of those things you are thankful for will perk you back up!

Journaling is one of the 4 pillars of Shawn Achor's book "The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work" along with meditation, exercise and random acts of kindness. Using the free iOS/Android apps Catch Notes and I Journal, Achor's book can come to life in your life.

Public Displays of Gratitude

I am a teacher in an Iowa public school. We have bulletin boards everywhere. Although I haven't done this yet, on my list of things to do is to create a place for my students to pin up their thanks and compliments for each other. I bet this will be a popular space for those teens I work with every day!

A random email to a friend or card to a coworker takes but a few seconds, but the effects can be long lasting. Think back to how you felt when someone else had done that for you... You can return that feeling to as many others as you can think of! Better yet, giving that great feeling to another person won't cost you a dime.

Volunteering

Giving of yourself and your time is a wonderful way to show gratitude. Giving back to people or organizations -- investing your time helping those who have helped you or others -- will enrich your soul. This past Veterans Day, my son and I went to our local Veteran's Hospital with his Cub Scout Pack. We spent an afternoon visiting with sick and injured men and women who gave of themselves in our military. Connections were made and we left the hospital feeling great about the time we spent there. My son learned a lot during that visit, and I did too.

Prayer

Rather than asking God for help or intervention in your life, why not simply send your thanks to Him through prayer? Prayer reminds us that there is a higher power to which we answer. Realizing that we are not alone in our struggles and triumphs can help keep us grounded. Gratitude expressed through our faith can be tremendously powerful.

Random Acts of Kindness

Along the same lines as sending a thank you card to someone, performing a random act of kindness each day reminds you that there's more to your day than just moving from point A to B on your way to C. There are so many ways you can be kind to others. one great resource I have found is the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation: Random Acts of Kindness.

Don't Move the Goal Posts (Right Away)

I get caught up in moving from accomplishment to accomplishment without stopping to savor the results of my hard work. More often than not, after I finish a school year and the students in my bands have achieved so much, I will look to what's next. I'm guessing you're that way, too.

I have a saying in my band program: "We have set the bar of performance at a certain level, and we're not going to do the limbo!" This, of course, means that we won't accept underachieving. While this is all well and good, it doesn't mean that I shouldn't take some time and be thankful for the progress made by my students and celebrate our collective accomplishments. Showing gratitude for the hard work of everyone involved acknowledges the worth of each individual.

It's A Wonderful Life

Expressing gratitude toward others is only half of the equation. Acknowledging what you currently have and being thankful for it is key to a happy personal life. Just like Jimmy Stewart in the classic Frank Capra movie "It's a Wonderful Life," take a moment and count your blessings.

Once in awhile when I get worked up or down on myself, I use a little technique I learned a while back to create my own Jimmy Stewart movie. I close my eyes and imagine myself far into the future. In this future, my children are grown and gone, my parents are no longer living, my friends are gone, perhaps my wife has passed away and I am struggling to simply move through my day. I internalize what that would feel like, and then open my eyes. The rush of gratitude for what I have now in the present can be overwhelming! The "good old days" are right now! I have my family, my health and a bright future to look forward to. I suggest you give this a try!