Six Thoughts on Becoming a More Effective Teacher

Every so often I am asked by former high school students pursuing college degrees in education about my thoughts on being an effective teacher. While I do not consider myself the authority on the subject by any means, I do believe strongly in these six thoughts.

Invest in Yourself

“The first and best victory is to conquer self.” – Plato

“Work harder on yourself than you do on your job.” – Jim Rohn

The most important factor in determining whether a child learns in your classroom is YOU. Amid papers to correct, lessons to plan, emails to answer, calls to make, meetings to attend, and any number of other details which to tend, you must remember that it is your long-term growth and happiness that must be the priority.

The give and take of your personal and professional life is like making deposits and withdrawals at a bank: the “Bank of You.” Reading books, articles, and blogs that inspire, motivate and inform are deposits into your bank. Exercise and eating well are deposits. Creating strong relationships with peers are deposits. Attending conferences and seminars are deposits.

The benefit to a teacher from any of these deposits is interest paid. Interest comes in many forms: improved mental and physical health, increased student performance, easier relationship building with students, parents and administrators, invitations to mentoring and/or leadership roles within the profession, and many more.

There is give and take in any profession, however, and teaching is no different. All of the inevitable distractions, the rough days, the time away from family, and the stress of the job make withdrawals from the Bank of You. Your goal is to have enough saved up in the Bank to buffer against these difficulties. If you don't, you'll soon be living on borrowed time.

Observe Great Teaching and Have Great Teachers Observe You

It seems human nature to adapt and conform to our surroundings. On the golf course, I always play better when I'm in a group with great golfers. Whenever I attend professional golf events I am struck with the urge to get back to my home course and play. I am inspired by watching great performances. When I observe great teaching first-hand, the same thing occurs. I am rejuvenated and excited to get back to my own classroom!

We are easily influenced by our circle of friends and colleagues: whoever we spend time with tend to shape who we are. Within your school are many outstanding teachers, and it's easy to figure out who. Spend time with them. Watch them work. Ask them questions. Allow them to come into your classroom and don't be afraid of what they might have to say. Be inspired, and your students will benefit.

Seek Opportunities to Serve

Sometimes when the going gets tough, we build a “comfort cocoon” around ourselves. Our thinking turns to “I” and “me” rather than “we” and “us.” We wallow in pity parties of our own design and feel alone. Before that happens, volunteer for school committees or become an activity sponsor. Find ways to take the initiative in your environment and help make it better. In doing so, you invest in opportunities that put “we” and “us” front and center in your mind and create meaningful relationships that will help you through the tough times. If you want to be a great teacher, motivator, communicator, and/or leader, you can't do it alone. You will get everything you want in your life and career if you give others what they want.

Strive for Balance in Your Classroom

“Teaching is about the intersection between relationships, curiosity and content.” 

– Dr. Kwame Brown

Content is king in education. The almighty test controls much of what goes on in the classroom. However, I firmly believe that our primary job as teachers is to build people, and it must be done within the context of our curriculum. This is the joining of the “what” (curriculum) to the “how” (process and example) to get to the “why” (inspiring young minds.)

Very few teachers that went to college to receive a degree education simply wish to program young minds with facts and figures. Any computer can do that these days. Our role is to maintain our focus on why we are called to teach and why our presence matters to students.

Take Time for Reflection

There is tangible benefit to writing in a journal. When you put your thoughts on paper, they become more concrete. You may even see them more objectively. When you browse back in your notes, you can see how your thinking has changed, evolved. Journaling is another way to make a deposit into the Bank of You. There are myriad articles about journaling's benefit, and many techniques to get it done. I encourage you to do your research.

Sitting down and visiting with a trusted friend and/or colleague can be a valuable reflection exercise, too. I look forward to opportunities to talk to friends in my profession. Nearly all the time, I come away from those chats with a fresh perspective, reminded that my concerns and my frustrations, as well as my hopes and victories are a part of a larger, shared experience.

The “Annie Principle:”

“When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely, I just stick out my chin and grin and say: 

'The sun will come out tomorrow...'”

Teaching is tough. Not every day will go as planned. But the good news is that for the foreseeable future, the sun will indeed rise tomorrow, and another opportunity to be better awaits you. When all else fails, and regardless of the circumstances that may have made today difficult, there are young people in your sphere of influence that want precisely what you have to offer.

Talk Positive to Me!

If I'm not careful, I can be a pretty negative talker. I can get down on the person I talk to the most, and can be a brutally negative force in his life. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it's true.

And that person is me. All of us carry on more conversations with ourselves than with any other person. Of all the continual banter going on between the ears, a good portion of it can be quite negative.

• I'm not going to do well...
• I'm not ready for...
• I'm too this or I'm too that.
• I can't....
• This is too hard...
• I don't want...

A student who does well in her classes and studies hard for a big test may walk into the classroom on test day saying things like "I hope I do well. I'm not a good test taker." Or "I don't want to bomb this too badly!" That negative self talk programs the mind to go in the opposite direction of the desired result. Of course she wants to do well! In an attempt to lower expectations in her mind to cushion the blow of a possible lower grade, she is opening the door to poor performance. Instead, walking into the classroom with an attitude of "I got this!" leaves no room for negativity.

On the golf course, a golfer tees up the ball and promptly hooks it into the lake. Walking back the the cart he exclaims loudly, "I knew I was going to do that!" (In the interest of full disclosure, I have done AND said this a few times over the years...) Well goodness. If he knew he was going to do it while standing over the ball, why didn't he back away, set his mind on the positive thought of hitting it down the middle of the fairway, and let it rip? I can attest that clearing negative self talk usually works in this case!

To go one step further, imagine all your negative self talk and doubt projected externally to other people. Yuck! Why do you think it is that we can be so outwardly positive but so inwardly negative?
 
Keep your head full of positive information and positive messages. It takes work, but keep your noggin full of ideas from positive and motivating people. As Zig Ziglar was fond of saying, you are who you are and where you are because of what you've put into your head.

Read good books, read the Bible, find inspiration and keep the negative self talk at bay. in doing this, you will be able to more easily recognize then repell negative self talk when it creeps into your head.

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Digging for the Good

Andrew Carnegie was one of the richest men in the world at the beginning of the 20th century. He made his millions with keen business acumen and a sharp eye for developing the skill and effectiveness of the people around him. In fact, at one point, he had 43 millionaires working for his companies -- an unheard of occurrence back then. Depending on what index you look at, one million dollars in 1910 is the equivalent of between $25,000,000 (using the consumer price index) and $481,000,000 (as a percent of the US gross domestic product)!

Carnegie was once asked by reporter how he managed to hire 43 millionaires. He responded that none of them were millionaires when he hired them but observed that, "You develop millionaires the way you mine gold. You expect to move tons of dirt to find an ounce of gold, but you don't go into the mine looking for the dirt—you go in looking for the gold."

How often have we seen the "dirt" in other people and assumed that was all there was? How often do we stop digging and move on? Strip mining for gold creates holes in the earth thousands of feet wide and hundreds of feet deep using equipment larger than houses. Our personal gold digging landscape may look only like a sea of gopher holes in the grass.

The difference between the holes is belief. Gold miners dig broad and deep because they know gold is there. If it's easy to see potential gold in someone, we tend to dig deeper too. However, look for the gold in everyone, and not just the easy-to-see stuff. Invest and get digging!

 

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Care for the Caretakers

Did you know that many times one of the dirtiest parts of the kitchen is the sink? Seems counterintuitive, doesn't it; the place where the cups, plates, silverware and pans are washed is sometimes the dirtiest.

However, after finishing the pots and pans, we often pull the drain plug and walk away. Residue is left behind that we may not see. After a few days of repeating the same cycle, there might be some light stains on the steel of the sink or a little discoloration on the porcelain.

The sink has done its job, but in the process, it got dirty and we didn't notice right away. Effort by an outside force must be made to clean the sink after it has done its job.

All this ran through my head as I did dishes today. This summer, the high school band that I teach lost two students. One, a 2012 graduate, in a tragic accident and one, a junior to be, to a suicide. It has been tough for students, parents and teachers. Very tough.

In my role as a teacher, I try my hardest to be there for my students in good times and in bad. I believe this is just as important to them (and me) as effectiveness in the classroom. I know I'm not alone. I have surrounded myself with colleagues and friends in the profession who I know do and believe the same thing.

When tragedies occur in our school system, parents and teachers work together to make sure our students make it through the emotional struggle with the help they need. We give our best effort to help our students cope.

Now, here's the parallel between these two seemingly unrelated things... Those in need of care are the "dishes." The caretakers are the "sinks."

Caretakers must be taken care of too. If you are a caretaker, remember you are just as vulnerable, just as emotional, just as human as those whom you care for. Ask for help or accept it when offered. If you know a caretaker, offer encouragement, a shoulder or an ear. It will be appreciated.

 

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Email the Snail Way

I've noticed lately that people want things from me immediately. Usually because of email, immediate responses seem to be the norm rather than the exception. Quite often I oblige and work diligently and quickly to shoot out response after response. Whether or not those responses are the best and measured answers to questions doesn't always occur to me....

... and bad or hasty decisions are usually more trouble than they're worth.

I've been slowly working my way through the great book by Doris Kearns Goodwin called "A Team of Rivals." In this wonderfully researched and presented history, Kearns Goodwin details the life of Abraham Lincoln and those people whom he both competed against (the Rivals) and later asked to join his cabinet (the Team).

The book is written using letters and first hand accounts from people surrounding Lincoln and his election to the presidency. What strikes me most as I read is the pace at which the communication happens.

One of the nice things about living in the era before email and immediate communication was that people took time to think about what they were going to say and think about how they were going to say it. The patience that would then follow -- as letters galloped across the countryside and back again -- would drive us nuts today.

And it's rare to have that patience anymore.

I've read suggestions from others about managing our intake of data. One of those suggestions is to limit our email use to once or perhaps twice per day, setting aside certain times to answer the notes filling our inbox.

I can imagine changing a habit such as checking email would be quite difficult. However I can certainly see the potential upside to this. My life at work could slow down and become more effective. On the other hand, I realize that the people on the other end of the email chain may not be as patient as I might be. This could undoubtedly cause problems.

So what's the answer? I think the best solution is somewhere in the middle of an instantaneous response and waiting for the Pony Express to arrive. When going through emails, why not answer those mundane emails that don't require much thought first, and then cycle back to the more heavier involved-thought questions? And even then, perhaps you will need to give a response a good bit more time (or pick up the phone.)

An email response to a heavier request perhaps later that afternoon or the following day is OK. Life was pretty successful for thousands of years before computers and email. It will probably be okay if that response happens in six hours or 6 seconds.

And perhaps taking the time to think through a response in those six hours will save you that much in headache later.

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No More Going Through the Motions

As I was driving in to work this morning listening to music from the local Christian rock station, Matthew West's song "The Motions" came on. I never heard it before, but it spoke to me immediately.

I want to "be better" in this life for lots of reasons, as I'm sure you do too. This chart from 2009 sums up where I am right now, what I'm thinking, and where I'm hoping to be.

This is my new theme song. See if it speaks you the same way, too.

Matthew West, "The Motions"

This might hurt, it's not safe

But I know that I've gotta make a change

I don't care if I break

At least I'll be feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking

What if I had given everything 

Instead of going through the motions?

No regrets, not this time

I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind 

Let Your love make me whole

I think I'm finally feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

‘Cause I don't wanna go through the motions 

I don't wanna go one more day

Without your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 

What if I had given everything 

Instead of going through the motions?

Take me all the way

(Take me all the way)

Take me all the way

(‘Cause I don't wanna go through the motions)

Take me all the way

(Lord, I'm finally feeling something real)

Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 

What if I had given everything 

Instead of going through the motions?

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 

What if I had given everything 

Instead of going through the motions?

Take me all the way

(Take me all the way)

Take me all the way

(I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)

Take me all the way

(Through the motions)

Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

You Could Be Your Own Worst Enemy

What is your performance potential? I'm guessing it's greater than you think. The bigger question you should ask yourself is “How much less can I interfere with my potential for greatness?”

Every day in my music classroom I work with highly talented teenagers. These young people have huge amounts of performance potential. Most have one or more of the following that contribute to their potential: natural ability, high levels of intelligence, desire and/or work ethic. The same holds true for the adults that I associate with at school and in my private life.

However, I think you'll agree that the percentage of people (and I count myself in this group) who fall short of consistently reaching their full potential is much closer to 100 than 0.

What gets in the way of fully realizing our potential? I argue that it is our inner conversation that interferes with doing our absolute best. We talk to ourselves thousands of times per day. Among all the mundane self-chatter is self-talk that either elevates or deflates us.

Deflating self talk like “I'm not good enough,” “I am not ready,” “I will make a mistake,” or “I am afraid of what others will think of me” robs us of our true potential.

In the mid 1940's Claude Bristol referred to the incredible power of positive self-talk in his book “The Magic of Believing.” Modern day “success coach” Tony Robbins teaches the positive power of what he calls “incantations” to change your life. Further, Dr. John Izzo writes about the concept of minimizing negative self influence in his most recent book “The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die.”

Years ago, I read “The Inner Game of Music” by Timothy Gallway. In it, he outlines an equation that has stuck with me and that I continue to use with students today:

Po-I=Pe

This equation sums up this blog post rather nicely. Our potential (Po) minus our self-interference (I) equals our performance (Pe). The closer we can move “I” to zero, the greater our performance will be. Further, if you were able to overwhelm negative self-interference with positive self talk, your performance could conceivably supersede your potential!

This will take an intentional effort and much practice, but on the quest to be a better person, it will be well worth it!

Are You An Energy Sucker?

Are you an energy giver or taker?

I had my hair cut today. Rather than wait for the stylist to start conversation like usual, I began with a simple "how are you today?" What ensued was a 15 minute discussion detailing much of what was wrong in her life at present: two family members in the hospital, a manager that treats his employees poorly, and a slow work day were just some of the highlights. I wanted to leave.

I believe we can sense when we are with someone who is environmentally energizing or someone who is de-energizing. We are naturally attracted to people who are vivacious, bubbly, engaging, smart, interested and giving. Similarly, if we ARE those people, others are drawn to us.

Think about a bank. At its simplest, you walk up to teller and either make a withdrawal or a deposit. Challenge yourself to move throughout your day conscious of whether you're withdrawing or depositing into the emotional and energy banks of people around you. And just like investing, the returns usually take time to be realized.

In my afternoon high school concert band rehearsals lately, I prod my students -- many of whom have sat passively in other classes for a good part of the day -- to use their instruments to send vibrant sound energy and personality into the room. I tell them that they are either adding or subtracting to the environment, so work to add positively to the room. My request has yet to fail in creating a better sound and better results!

So it is with emotional energy as well. You have the choice. Make the investment and choose wisely!

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Share, Share and Share Some More!

I was just recently thinking... Why keep what I learn from personal development books, blogs, articles and quotes to myself in the workplace? While it's true I post things on Twitter and Facebook quite a bit, and have found a lot to both read now and save for the future, there is a whole community of students and educators (in my case) that are not a part of my little connected universe.

If the information I come across is interesting or important to me, there's a better than even chance that those with whom I work and are in my “in person” circle will find value in it too.

The director of my church choir pauses about 2/3 the way through most rehearsals and reads to the group. Sometimes it's from the Bible, other times it's from a text that reflects the season of the church year. A choir rehearsal suddenly becomes more than a music practice. We pause to listen and reflect on a common theme and are drawn together by the importance of the purpose our music serves.

Why not do this in a meeting? A classroom? With an email? Perhaps on a break from business we can shift gears and share a thought or two that has come from some of our recent learning and reading. Could that be a better use our influence in a conference room, classroom or boardroom to transcend what we currently do?

I've been sharing more on Facebook lately as well as Twitter. Each place has different kinds of connections for me. Twitter is a place where I am connected to thinkers, educators and leadership pros. Facebook is where family, friends, colleagues and former and present students are. Two different audiences, yes, but both can (and do) express thanks for an occasional item I find and post. Your connections anywhere can benefit by what you are learning.

As online, the worst thing that could happen to you by sharing what you're learning in person is that you're ignored. No problem, though. Through even my limited experience I have found that “putting it out there” is far and away better than not. The chances of someone being enlightened by something you've not shared is zero anyway!

If you have it (and you probably do if you're reading this), your fire to learn and be better was kindled sometime in the past. Perhaps you don't recall when it was that you became interested in personal development. What could be the chances that a three minute summary of what you've read recently at your next sales meeting be the presentation that lights a fire in someone else to learn more about being better people and professionals?

There are side benefits, too. If this becomes part of your culture in the workplace, you'll read even more so you can share even more. Further, digesting and processing what you're reading so that you can “teach others” means you'll store the information differently in your head and retain it better.

When done with planning and intentionality – on purpose, on point and sincere – you may very well be surprised at the results!  

Being Out of the Box, Part 3

As we close the "miniseries" on the great work by the Arbinger Institute, the thoughts below detail how we can stay out of the box and help to invite positive change in others.

Our way of being rules over all.

What do we mean by "way of being"? In fact, it means the way of being with others, the way we are in relationship. Human beings are social beings, and we know ourselves in comparison with and through the eyes of others. Our "self-image" is really a "self-image-in-relationship-with-others."

As I've pointed out in a prevoius post, there are two ways of seeing others: as persons (out of the box), or as objects (in the box).

• As persons: we see people as persons when we recognize their uniqueness just like ours, with their flaws and qualities, just like ours, with desires, hopes, doubts and concerns, just like ours - in short, when we acknowledge all the richness of their humanity.
• As objects: we see people as objects when we "de-personalize" them, for example when we reduce them to a category (an American, an Arab, a Rich), to a role (a Customer, a Clerk, a Politician), or just to a quality (a Jerk, a Snob, an Inconsiderate Neighbor). There are three ways of seeing a person as object: as an obstacle ("my Needy Husband is making my life a burden!"), as a vehicle ("this Client will hopefully sign the contract and make me rich."), or as an irrelevancy ("I never bothered talking to this Idiot...").

Staying out of the box

If you think about it, you are most likely not "in the box" with everyone you know. Probably one of the most effective ways to climb out of the box is to reflect on how you relate to people you know you appreciate and see as people, and try hard to transfer that mindset to others that you struggle with. Continually being aware of how you interact with people is key.

I recently had separate discussions with two students who were at odds with each other... it happens in the band room from time to time. I asked each how they thought the other perceived them. After getting some good honest answers (not nice, overbearing, inconsiderate), I asked if those adjectives were accurate to how they thought of themselves. Of course, the answer was no. We then briefly discussed why the other would think the way they do. It was a round-about way of showing them that they were in the box toward each other.

After we identified issues of conflict, I asked each to list some qualities about the other that they admired. Each was again honest (hard working, generous, funny). To tie things up, I challenged each student to think of those things they admired about the other during future interactions. When I follow up soon, hopefully, there will be some positive movement in their relationship!

Inviting change in others

If we think about it, we cannot make people change; we can only invite them to change. They decide, in the end, whether they accept the invitation.

We focus on "correcting what's wrong"...

Dealing with what is going wrong is to focus on the problem we see in others - it means correcting, criticizing, fixing, disciplining, punishing, etc. Does it often work when you tell someone he should be different? Have you often changed after someone told you how wrong you were?

 

Sometimes yes, you might say. But it's likely that most of the time, it doesn't work. What to do then? Well in my experience, we tend to keep trying harder, louder, longer, hoping that one day, he will get it!

That's the classic pattern, and that's how conflicts tend to get entrenched.

...And forget to "help things go right"

There is nothing wrong about wanting others to change, but if "dealing with what's going wrong" doesn't work, it is usually because we have been doing it at the expense of helping things go right. As the pyramid diagram shows, in order to invite change, helping things go right is the biggest part of the work. There are several parts to it, and that's where we need to spend most of our time and energy.

In simple terms, it is to say that we have more chance to invite change in someone if we approach her without resentment, if we have built a relationship with her and her friends/family, if we have listened and learnt from her, and if we explain clearly the change we want to invite. Is that really surprising?

If it doesn't work, look deeper

The secret of the Peacemaking Pyramid is that it prompts us to look for solutions to a problem at a deeper level than the one the problem seems to be at. The answer to a problem at one level of the pyramid lies at the level below.

• If my attempts to correct you fail, I need to look at the way I am communicating and explaining what I want - am I being clear? Am I giving a consistent rationale for what I want?
• If my communicating and teaching fail, I need to look at my listening and learning from you. There is little chance you will listen to my teaching if I don't even try to understand your perspective. If your concerns are not included in my understanding of the situation, why would you listen to me?
• Even if I'm open to listen to your concerns, you may not bother share them with me if you don't like or respect me. I then need to focus on building a stronger relationship with you, it's a necessary condition.
• It is possible that my attempts to influence you are unsuccessful not because you are closed, but because you have people with influence around you (parents, friends, co-workers, etc.) pushing you in the other direction. I may need to also build a relationship with people around you, in order to make them part of the change too, or their influence will be too strong for you to swim against the current.
• If you are not receptive to my influence in spite of all the above conditions being met, something more fundamental might be missing. Of course, it can be that you just don't like the change I invite in you. But it can also be that I am not inviting it from a deep desire to help you, in which case you may be defensive against my deeper intentions. I therefore need to look at my "way of being:" do I really come to you with a heart at peace? Let's explore this point in more depth in the following section.

Our "Way of being" colors the world

The first and most fundamental step for helping things go right is to obtain a heart at peace. It is not so much the actions we take that invite war, but the way we are while taking them. The same action can be done from a heart at peace or a heart at war. Inviting the other to change with a heart at war, even if you are right about the thing to change, is likely to provoke a defensive reaction. If the dishes need to be done and you are nagged to do them because you are focused on another task you deem more important, your natural tendency is to eventally do the dishes, but perhaps with resentment. Your heart is at war with the person who nagged.

What determines which way we see someone? Simply, our choice.

I cannot more strongly recommend The Anatomy of Peace to you. When you truly want to dig deeper and work to become a better person, this book will be a wonderful, effective jumping-off point.

 

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Being Out of the Box, Part 2

Choices, choices, choices. Paper or plastic? Left or right? Chocolate or vanilla? Cash or credit? Every day we are confronted with hundreds, if not thousands of choices. Many of them are as inconsequential as choosing to cross our legs when we sit down. Yet others can move us from simply existing to transcending. As Albert Camus once said, "We are the sum of our choices." How true!

As I wrote in the first part of this series, according to the Arbinger Institute's fantastic books The Anatomy of Peace and Leadership and Self Deception, we are "in the box" toward others when we see them as objects in the way of our goals or plans. When we fail to see the humanity in others, we dehumanize (objectify) them, elevating ourselves in importance. In the process, consequently, we dehumanize ourselves as well.

We move into the box when we make a choice that goes against our sense of what is right, just or decent. This is called "Self betrayal." Imagine this scenario for example: you are walking down a busy street in a large city. On the corner ahead, you see a homeless pan handler and feel a momentary twang of pity. Immediately following that twang, however, you think of ways to ignore him, perhaps quickening your pace. As you walk by, you avoid eye contact. You pretend to be busy doing something on your smart phone, or simply look the other way.

How are you seeing that man? As a down and out person who may have had a recently rough life and could use a smile or a hand? No. He has been objectified as something to ignore. This is where the box comes into play. In order for us to feel OK with ignoring the homeless in this example, we betray our natural prediliction to help and begin to justify our behavior... "I'm in a hurry." "I don't have any money to spare." "I don't want to be seen as a soft touch." "Maybe he would attack me." "He would only buy drugs or alcohol with the money!" You see my point.

All of a sudden, though, we have dehumanized him in order to be comfortable with our choice. We had an opportunity to respond to our natural sense of decency, but chose to deny it. In justifying our behavior, we are "in the box" toward him.

To draw a parallel with another book, in Stephen Covey's "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" he relates the following story:

"One day on the subway, while quietly reading a book, I was interrupted by two wild children that got on with their father at a subway stop.

"The children were out of control, jumping up and down, running loudly through the subway car.

"The father seemed not to notice or care that his children were misbehaving and disturbing commuters…

"I approached the father and wanted to scold him for not controlling his children and teaching them respect for others…

The father agreed, and sighed sullenly, saying “yeah, I just don’t know what to do or say to them. We just came from the hospital where their mother died from a random assault….”

Hearing this story immediately changed Stephen’s paradigm of the children and the situation. He went on to explore this and counsel the man who had lost his wife.

When relating to peers in the workplace, students at school, or family members at home, it is important to our effectiveness that we do what we can to avoid seeing others as objects.

How will we be able to do this? Part three in this series will address the suggestions that the Arbinger Institute makes to pull us out of our boxes (and keep us out!)

 

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Others

Around the turn of the last century, William Booth, the Founder of The Salvation Army, then very old, was preparing to send his annual Christmas message to the volunteers of that humanitarian organization around the world. In those days, communication was by telegraph, and you paid for each word that you sent. Booth thought long and hard about what would motivate the Salvationists and encapsulate the mission of the group. Since the Army was short on money, William Booth could only afford to send a one-word telegram to outposts around the world. 

That word was "OTHERS."

We are heading head-long into the Christmas Season. For many people in the developed world, it's a season of spending and gift giving. Commercialism of this season is at an all time high, and it seems as though when we don't think it can get any worse, the next year tops it. (How many of you began your Black Friday Christmas shopping this year on the evening of Thanksgiving Day?)

There is another way of looking at giving during the season of Christmas, of course. On December 25th we celebrate the birth of Jesus, God's Son, and a Man who gave us the ultimate gift: the gift of eternal life through his own death and resurrection. He bore the weight of our sin so that we may enter into the Kingdom of Heaven one day.

Did this gift come at a monetary cost? Of course not. Many times, the best and most meaningful gifts don't cost a penny. Giving to OTHERS our time and talents costs us nothing, yet can be more valuable to the recipient than any piece of technology or shiny bauble.

The beauty of giving of ourselves is that we can do it over and over again and not be any closer to bankruptcy. Quite to the contrary. As long as you have something of value internally to give to another person, you are rich. The more you give, the more you will receive!

I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to volunteer for several years in my teens at a nursing home near where I grew up. I still fondly recall my time helping the residents of St. Anne's Hospice. Now that I am nearly 40 and looking back on them, the value to my character and maturation was clear. My three children will have the same opportunity I had. You can take that to the bank.

This Christmas, look for opportunities to give to others the immeasurable gifts of your time and talent. Being better in life is not a one-sided endeavor. Just imagine the possibilities when you give away that which you have in abundance and of which will never run out!

I'd love to hear from you. What are some of the ways you have given of yourself? How did the experience affect you? If you have a Twitter account, please consider following me and/or use the hashtag #Others when tweeting your ideas.

More to come, but in the meantime, Happy Holidays!

What 5th Grade Band Taught Me

Just about 2 hours ago as I write this, I came home from my oldest daughter's first ever elementary band concert. I was sitting in the middle of the second row and brimming with pride as my daughter played a little horn solo on "Jingle Bells." Listening to the concert, I was transported back to another time in my life, a long time ago...

The year was 1983. I was seated in the back row of the Winona, Minnesota Public Schools all city 5th Grade Band Concert. In front of me was a tuba mounted in a metal support stand, my lesson book, and about 100 other nervous ten year olds.

My first band concert etched itself into my memory for a few reasons. To begin with, it was the first time I was on stage performing for anybody. Second, there was a trip to Dairy Queen afterward, and I remembered most of those growing up. Third, and probably most importantly, I could barely read or keep up with the music.

I still remember the sounds we made that night, especially the group's performance of "At Perrot's Door," a.k.a "Grandfather Clock." The band was playing in unison (mostly) with the sole tuba player (me) in the back improvising and riffing on a theme that loosely resembled that which the rest of the band was playing. It sounded goooooood (to my 10 year old ears). That concert for me was the embodiment of the phrase "fake it till you make it." Looking back, I don't know how the heck I made it off the stage without being horse collared by my band director and asked to turn in my mouthpiece. Boy, was he patient!

Flash forward again to November, 2012. I arrived to the concert just in the nick of time because just 30 minutes before, I was teaching some of my own tuba students. You see, now I am that band director who refrains from asking students to turn in their mouthpieces (sometimes with a GREAT deal of self control) and I am also that private lesson teacher who helps some of the rhythmically challenged low brass players in my area count and play to their best ability. Not only that, but I also have the privilege of helping my daughter with the horn when I can.

Here's what I learned from tying these two experiences together: A person's life could very well be changed by your simple interactions with them. My fifth grade band director could have easily suggested to my parents that I give up the tuba. Because he didn't, I was given an opportunity to grow in music to the point where I am now a teacher effecting the lives of hundreds of young people in a (hopefully) positive way. My world could have very different were it not for the patience of my first band director. So as you begin each morning, remember that that could very well be the day that a life changes course positively because of you.

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7 Surefire Paths to an Attitude of Gratitude

During this time of year especially, giving thanks is at the forefront of our minds. The more I read and the more I participate in social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, the more I see my friends, followers and fellow bloggers addressing the topic and/or giving thanks in tweets and status updates. This got me thinking about the different ways we can show gratitude not just during the holidays, but year-round.

There are many ways we can express our gratitude. Below are six that have worked for me in the past:

Journaling

Take a moment each day to jot down something you're thankful for. Journaling is an easy and quick way to get you thinking about those things that happen to you during the day that are good. Folks who journal their thanks begin to look for the positive in their days, and the negative, while it is still a part of every day to some degree, tends to be minimized. Also, when you have those bad days, looking back through all of those things you are thankful for will perk you back up!

Journaling is one of the 4 pillars of Shawn Achor's book "The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work" along with meditation, exercise and random acts of kindness. Using the free iOS/Android apps Catch Notes and I Journal, Achor's book can come to life in your life.

Public Displays of Gratitude

I am a teacher in an Iowa public school. We have bulletin boards everywhere. Although I haven't done this yet, on my list of things to do is to create a place for my students to pin up their thanks and compliments for each other. I bet this will be a popular space for those teens I work with every day!

A random email to a friend or card to a coworker takes but a few seconds, but the effects can be long lasting. Think back to how you felt when someone else had done that for you... You can return that feeling to as many others as you can think of! Better yet, giving that great feeling to another person won't cost you a dime.

Volunteering

Giving of yourself and your time is a wonderful way to show gratitude. Giving back to people or organizations -- investing your time helping those who have helped you or others -- will enrich your soul. This past Veterans Day, my son and I went to our local Veteran's Hospital with his Cub Scout Pack. We spent an afternoon visiting with sick and injured men and women who gave of themselves in our military. Connections were made and we left the hospital feeling great about the time we spent there. My son learned a lot during that visit, and I did too.

Prayer

Rather than asking God for help or intervention in your life, why not simply send your thanks to Him through prayer? Prayer reminds us that there is a higher power to which we answer. Realizing that we are not alone in our struggles and triumphs can help keep us grounded. Gratitude expressed through our faith can be tremendously powerful.

Random Acts of Kindness

Along the same lines as sending a thank you card to someone, performing a random act of kindness each day reminds you that there's more to your day than just moving from point A to B on your way to C. There are so many ways you can be kind to others. one great resource I have found is the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation: Random Acts of Kindness.

Don't Move the Goal Posts (Right Away)

I get caught up in moving from accomplishment to accomplishment without stopping to savor the results of my hard work. More often than not, after I finish a school year and the students in my bands have achieved so much, I will look to what's next. I'm guessing you're that way, too.

I have a saying in my band program: "We have set the bar of performance at a certain level, and we're not going to do the limbo!" This, of course, means that we won't accept underachieving. While this is all well and good, it doesn't mean that I shouldn't take some time and be thankful for the progress made by my students and celebrate our collective accomplishments. Showing gratitude for the hard work of everyone involved acknowledges the worth of each individual.

It's A Wonderful Life

Expressing gratitude toward others is only half of the equation. Acknowledging what you currently have and being thankful for it is key to a happy personal life. Just like Jimmy Stewart in the classic Frank Capra movie "It's a Wonderful Life," take a moment and count your blessings.

Once in awhile when I get worked up or down on myself, I use a little technique I learned a while back to create my own Jimmy Stewart movie. I close my eyes and imagine myself far into the future. In this future, my children are grown and gone, my parents are no longer living, my friends are gone, perhaps my wife has passed away and I am struggling to simply move through my day. I internalize what that would feel like, and then open my eyes. The rush of gratitude for what I have now in the present can be overwhelming! The "good old days" are right now! I have my family, my health and a bright future to look forward to. I suggest you give this a try!

 

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What Kung Fu Panda and an Ancient Poem Have in Common

 

As Master Oogway said in the animated film "Kung Fu Panda," 

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called "The Present." 

Profound words, especially coming from an old turtle. I'm fairly sure this quote came from somewhere else, as the "Kung Fu Panda" writers were probably not philosophers. Nonetheless, I have found that this is but one of the solid life lessons to be learned in that movie. My kids have seen it about 30 times and I don't mind one bit!

There is a set of verses I came across a few months ago that serve to amplify that saying above. If you have never heard, read or experienced this ancient Indian poem, "Salutation to the Dawn," I think you will find that it brings to the fore the very idea of living each day to the fullest. From the time this poem was written to today, the thought of living life to the fullest must resonate if we are to thrive. 

The joy of self discovery begins when you simply start to look. The more I look, the more I find the path I take twists and turns in unexpected directions. For example, I found this poem recently while reading Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People of all places. I would have never read this book had it not been for another I read before, and I would have never read that one had it not been for another...you get the idea.

This path is one I hope you find yourself on as well!

Here's the poem:

Look to this day!

For it is life, the very life of life.

In its brief course

Lie all the verities and realities of your existence:

The bliss of growth

The glory of action

The splendor of beauty.

For yesterday is but a dream

And tomorrow only a vision

But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness

And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore to this day!

Such is the salutation to the dawn.

- Kalidasa, Indian Poet

Harvey Enders composed music to accompany this poem. If you have five minutes to be inspired by song today, listen below. 

Here's to living today to the fullest!

You Are What You Read!

During a walk through my neighborhood in the early spring of 2010, I was plugged into my iPod and listening to a podcast of a recent episode of “The Dave Ramsey Show.” On this show, Dave was interviewing author and motivational speaker Tim Sanders. 

I had never heard of Sanders before, but the things he spoke about on that show changed the course of my personal and professional growth to this day.

Mr. Sanders had just written a new book: Today We Are Rich. In the book, he wrote about the life lessons learned over the course of his lifetime through the example of his grandmother. As soon as I got home from that walk, I pulled out a notebook and pen and listened to the entire interview again. This time, I wrote furiously, dissecting and outlining the simple, yet profound ideas these two men discussed. 

I could not recall a time that I was as moved by someone speaking so enthusiastically and passionately about self improvement. I was inspired, and I purchased a copy of his book that night.

Now, please understand, this post is not a book report, but the story of my awakening to ideas and writings of deep thinkers, master teachers, motivational minds, and business leaders. The journey has been a rewarding one thus far, and although it is a path I'm glad I am now taking, it is one that I wish I had begun a long time ago.

I am a high school band director, and I own books written by well-regarded music education thinkers and motivators like Tim Lautzenheiser, Ken Raessler and Peter Boonshaft, and I had attended band leadership seminars with my students. However, up until that point, nothing really stuck. (Notice I wrote that I own these books... not read these books...)

I suppose we all have a moment in our lives when we decide that we don't know it all – that there might be thinkers and luminaries whose ideas deserve our attention – and that we might benefit from their inspiration. Perhaps this is your moment.

One of the first principles that Tim Sanders writes about in his book Today We Are Rich is that we are what we read. Sanders encourages you to ask yourself, “what is the quality of information coming into my head on a daily basis?” News reports, political propaganda, internet grazing, and gossip about Hollywood celebrities bombard us continually. None of it will make us think deeply about ourselves or help us become better at what we do or aspire to do. 

In other words, so much of what we read daily is “junk food reading.”

Sanders points out that, for a society that is so concerned about the healthiness of what we put in our mouths everyday, there is a shocking lack of general concern over the mind-health benefits of what we put in our heads everyday!

Many times, we get wrapped up in how much time we don't have for our own personal growth. Too often we get stuck in the business of being busy and lose sight of our own need to continue to feed our mind good things – the things that will make us better teachers, doctors, lawyers, managers, cabinet makers, salesmen and people.

Following the example of Sanders' grandmother, I found that using time at the beginning of the day (getting up early if need be) to read, make some notes, and reflect has been incredibly beneficial for me. Taking 30-45 minutes while the house is quiet and the sun is not quite up is the best time to feed my mind. Often, ideas that I've read about in the morning stick with me during the day and set the tone for my approach to teaching, leading, or simply interacting with others. Further, reading great stuff early in the day makes me aware of the junk that continually wants my attention later in the day.

When done consistently, I have noticed that I go to bed excited about the prospect of waking up and having that quiet reading time (and I am NOT a morning person – just ask my wife!) I encourage you to give it a try! Simply find reading material that will either help you to be better at what you do or inform your worldview. Then set a time, perhaps early in the morning to read and digest it.

In the area of human relations, it's hard to beat books by Dale Carnegie, Claude Bristol, John Maxwell, Napoleon Hill, Wayne Dyer or the Arbinger Institute (their Leadership and Self Deception and The Anatomy of Peace are must reads!). If you're into music like me, on the subject of music and music leadership, creativity, and the arts, great books have been written by the authors I have mentioned above as well as Sir Ken Robinson (The Element, Out of Our Minds) and Benjamin Zander (The Art of Possibility).

Making the time to feed your mind good things every day is an investment in you. I have become a better teacher, father and husband by reading, digesting and applying the ideas of great thinkers. Concern yourself with what you put in your head, and you will quickly notice a wonderful, positive transformation in your life.