Great Leadership Read: Wooden, by John Wooden

If you crack open the mind of the 20th Century's best athletic coach and dump its 90-plus years of living and teaching experience into a book, what you have is the best 160+ pages of inspiration and instruction you will read in a very long time.

Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court by Coach John Wooden and Steve Jamison is a quick and easy read because it is divided up into small sections of plain spoken, honest thoughts about living, teaching, coaching and leading.

It's a "cut through the bull and babble" book that should be required reading for anyone who wants to be better at what they do.

My copy of The book is dog eared like CRAZY!

I recently finished the book, and rarely has a book ended up with so many dog-eared pages and highlighted lines of text! It's a small book in form factor; easy to carry around, and certainly easy enough to hold a prominent place on my "frequently gone-to" books.


For those of you unaware, John Wooden was the head coach of the UCLA Men's Basketball team from 1948 to 1975. He is the winningest basketball coach of all time, has the record for most consecutive wins (88, breaking the previous record of 36), and has the record for the most NCAA Basketball Championships (10, with 7 in a row).

Lessons learned from his father: never lie, never cheat, never steal, don't whine, don't complain and don't make excuses were the foundation of his philosophy of living.

From there, the book unfolds and the themes of very hard work, meticulous preparation, attention to detail, and controlling all you are able quickly emerges. Narry a page goes by without a reference to hard work or doing one's best.

Coach Wooden expected nothing less than the best from himself and those on his teams. His philosophy of success in any endeavor can be summed up this way: if you do your absolute best, and you know that there was nothing you could have done to prepare any better, it makes no difference the outcome of the contest. You will have succeeded.

 

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Being Out of the Box, Part 3

As we close the "miniseries" on the great work by the Arbinger Institute, the thoughts below detail how we can stay out of the box and help to invite positive change in others.

Our way of being rules over all.

What do we mean by "way of being"? In fact, it means the way of being with others, the way we are in relationship. Human beings are social beings, and we know ourselves in comparison with and through the eyes of others. Our "self-image" is really a "self-image-in-relationship-with-others."

As I've pointed out in a prevoius post, there are two ways of seeing others: as persons (out of the box), or as objects (in the box).

• As persons: we see people as persons when we recognize their uniqueness just like ours, with their flaws and qualities, just like ours, with desires, hopes, doubts and concerns, just like ours - in short, when we acknowledge all the richness of their humanity.
• As objects: we see people as objects when we "de-personalize" them, for example when we reduce them to a category (an American, an Arab, a Rich), to a role (a Customer, a Clerk, a Politician), or just to a quality (a Jerk, a Snob, an Inconsiderate Neighbor). There are three ways of seeing a person as object: as an obstacle ("my Needy Husband is making my life a burden!"), as a vehicle ("this Client will hopefully sign the contract and make me rich."), or as an irrelevancy ("I never bothered talking to this Idiot...").

Staying out of the box

If you think about it, you are most likely not "in the box" with everyone you know. Probably one of the most effective ways to climb out of the box is to reflect on how you relate to people you know you appreciate and see as people, and try hard to transfer that mindset to others that you struggle with. Continually being aware of how you interact with people is key.

I recently had separate discussions with two students who were at odds with each other... it happens in the band room from time to time. I asked each how they thought the other perceived them. After getting some good honest answers (not nice, overbearing, inconsiderate), I asked if those adjectives were accurate to how they thought of themselves. Of course, the answer was no. We then briefly discussed why the other would think the way they do. It was a round-about way of showing them that they were in the box toward each other.

After we identified issues of conflict, I asked each to list some qualities about the other that they admired. Each was again honest (hard working, generous, funny). To tie things up, I challenged each student to think of those things they admired about the other during future interactions. When I follow up soon, hopefully, there will be some positive movement in their relationship!

Inviting change in others

If we think about it, we cannot make people change; we can only invite them to change. They decide, in the end, whether they accept the invitation.

We focus on "correcting what's wrong"...

Dealing with what is going wrong is to focus on the problem we see in others - it means correcting, criticizing, fixing, disciplining, punishing, etc. Does it often work when you tell someone he should be different? Have you often changed after someone told you how wrong you were?

 

Sometimes yes, you might say. But it's likely that most of the time, it doesn't work. What to do then? Well in my experience, we tend to keep trying harder, louder, longer, hoping that one day, he will get it!

That's the classic pattern, and that's how conflicts tend to get entrenched.

...And forget to "help things go right"

There is nothing wrong about wanting others to change, but if "dealing with what's going wrong" doesn't work, it is usually because we have been doing it at the expense of helping things go right. As the pyramid diagram shows, in order to invite change, helping things go right is the biggest part of the work. There are several parts to it, and that's where we need to spend most of our time and energy.

In simple terms, it is to say that we have more chance to invite change in someone if we approach her without resentment, if we have built a relationship with her and her friends/family, if we have listened and learnt from her, and if we explain clearly the change we want to invite. Is that really surprising?

If it doesn't work, look deeper

The secret of the Peacemaking Pyramid is that it prompts us to look for solutions to a problem at a deeper level than the one the problem seems to be at. The answer to a problem at one level of the pyramid lies at the level below.

• If my attempts to correct you fail, I need to look at the way I am communicating and explaining what I want - am I being clear? Am I giving a consistent rationale for what I want?
• If my communicating and teaching fail, I need to look at my listening and learning from you. There is little chance you will listen to my teaching if I don't even try to understand your perspective. If your concerns are not included in my understanding of the situation, why would you listen to me?
• Even if I'm open to listen to your concerns, you may not bother share them with me if you don't like or respect me. I then need to focus on building a stronger relationship with you, it's a necessary condition.
• It is possible that my attempts to influence you are unsuccessful not because you are closed, but because you have people with influence around you (parents, friends, co-workers, etc.) pushing you in the other direction. I may need to also build a relationship with people around you, in order to make them part of the change too, or their influence will be too strong for you to swim against the current.
• If you are not receptive to my influence in spite of all the above conditions being met, something more fundamental might be missing. Of course, it can be that you just don't like the change I invite in you. But it can also be that I am not inviting it from a deep desire to help you, in which case you may be defensive against my deeper intentions. I therefore need to look at my "way of being:" do I really come to you with a heart at peace? Let's explore this point in more depth in the following section.

Our "Way of being" colors the world

The first and most fundamental step for helping things go right is to obtain a heart at peace. It is not so much the actions we take that invite war, but the way we are while taking them. The same action can be done from a heart at peace or a heart at war. Inviting the other to change with a heart at war, even if you are right about the thing to change, is likely to provoke a defensive reaction. If the dishes need to be done and you are nagged to do them because you are focused on another task you deem more important, your natural tendency is to eventally do the dishes, but perhaps with resentment. Your heart is at war with the person who nagged.

What determines which way we see someone? Simply, our choice.

I cannot more strongly recommend The Anatomy of Peace to you. When you truly want to dig deeper and work to become a better person, this book will be a wonderful, effective jumping-off point.

 

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10 "R's" of Effective Teachers

Recently a student and I were having a casual conversation in my office. Mark and I were visiting when out of the blue, he asks me, "Mr. Gerth, how do you teach?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. "How can I work with teenagers every day?"

Laughing, he replied, "Naw, you know, how are you able to get us to do what we do?"

How do I do what I do to get my students to learn? Man, that's a deep question. We talked for awhile about how important it is for teachers to build relationships and to connect with students, to manage the classroom well, to prepare for each class, etc.

As we were talking, it got me thinking about universal things I think all effective teachers do. There are shelves of books written about the topic of effective teaching (a great place to start would be to pick up anything written by Harry Wong). Since this wasn't the first time I've gotten this line of questioning from current or former students, I figure I should put some of my thoughts on paper. Here it goes in no particular order...

1. Effective teachers are selfless.
Teaching is a selfless art form. The hours are long, the perks aren't great and the clientele can be difficult to work with sometimes. However, there is intense reliance on teachers by students and their families to provide the absolute best possible product (an educated, trained mind) that they can. There can be no room for ego in the production of bright minds. "I" and "me" has no place in effective teaching.

2. Effective teachers are teachers first, specialists second.
When it comes down to it, a master teacher can teach nearly anything. If he or she can relate to his or her students and knows enough to prepare ahead of time, s/he will be successful. For example, I've witnessed master music teachers create great results in the English classroom when called upon. Effectively relaying content and creating understanding is a universal aspect of great teaching.

3. Effective teachers are learners.

As Socrates said, "The more I learn, the more I learn how little I know." Effective teachers understand that there is always another way, and perhaps a better way to teach something. The Twitterverse, for example, is brimming with fantastic educators willing to share insight and thought provoking content ripe for the picking. Books by our generation's deep thinkers and those of past generations are but a mouse click away from our Kindle, iPad or smartphone. Effective teachers seek out help from others (and help others) to become better at what they do.

4. Effective teachers surround themselves with positive, honest people. In turn, THEY are honest, positive people.
There's no denying that effective teachers need positive support. They also know that there is no time to deal with negativity or dishonesty in their professional lives. When it tries to creep in from time to time, great teachers know it when they see it, however, and quickly dodge it's influence.

5. Effective teachers are fantastic listeners.

This is a page right out of the Covey "Seven Habits" play book. Effective teachers know that whether they are in a room of professional peers or among their students, there is much more to be gained by sharing the dialogue and seeking to understand different points of view before contributing their thoughts.

6. Effective teachers are prepared for any eventuality.
This one takes time to develop. Master teachers have, over the course of time, developed a deep bag of tricks that they can go to when plan A, B, C and maybe D have not worked to deal with a situation. The bag's depth is proportional to the teachers real world experience and desire to learn (see #3 above.)

7. Effective teachers are able to meet students where they are.
Great teachers continually assess their students and determine the best courses of action to move them from one place to another. They know their job is not to assume anything about what each student knows, but rather to determine what their students need and give them as much as they can to meet those needs (see #6).

8. Effective teachers are communicators.
Education is a team effort. Great teachers answer parent emails in a timely fashion, follow up with phone messages as soon as they are able, and send notes and messages home proactively informing parents of upcoming events, celebrating achievements, and/or expressing concern. If you want to immediately become more effective as a teacher, resolve to become a better communicator.

9. Effective teachers are balanced.
I'm going out on a limb here, but I believe that truly great teachers understand that teaching is what they do, not who they are. Sure great teachers are always thinking about being better and finding ways of reaching their students, but I think they understand that being one dimensional is not the best way to operate.

I was walking through the hall of our middle school last winter and stopped at a poster display introducing several of that school's faculty to students. I was amazed at the varied interests of these teachers: white water rafting, sky diving, running, painting and cooking were among those that these teachers listed. Keeping a balanced life to effective teachers means following their own passions outside of the classroom too!

10. Effective teachers are relationship builders.
Without the ability to create a safe, trusting classroom environment, teachers will fail at effectiveness. Positive, strong relationships

As a high school band director, I don't know where I would be if it weren't for parent volunteers and administrative support! These folks have saved my bacon over the years. Not only do effective teachers build great relationships with their students, they create relationships with parents who volunteer in the classroom, chaperone trips and help in many other ways. They also have solid professional relationships with the folks managing the front office, the custodians, board members, principals and of course, other teachers.

There are many other things that you probably think I've missed. I'd like to hear from you! What more are effective teachers?

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Being Out of the Box, Part 2

Choices, choices, choices. Paper or plastic? Left or right? Chocolate or vanilla? Cash or credit? Every day we are confronted with hundreds, if not thousands of choices. Many of them are as inconsequential as choosing to cross our legs when we sit down. Yet others can move us from simply existing to transcending. As Albert Camus once said, "We are the sum of our choices." How true!

As I wrote in the first part of this series, according to the Arbinger Institute's fantastic books The Anatomy of Peace and Leadership and Self Deception, we are "in the box" toward others when we see them as objects in the way of our goals or plans. When we fail to see the humanity in others, we dehumanize (objectify) them, elevating ourselves in importance. In the process, consequently, we dehumanize ourselves as well.

We move into the box when we make a choice that goes against our sense of what is right, just or decent. This is called "Self betrayal." Imagine this scenario for example: you are walking down a busy street in a large city. On the corner ahead, you see a homeless pan handler and feel a momentary twang of pity. Immediately following that twang, however, you think of ways to ignore him, perhaps quickening your pace. As you walk by, you avoid eye contact. You pretend to be busy doing something on your smart phone, or simply look the other way.

How are you seeing that man? As a down and out person who may have had a recently rough life and could use a smile or a hand? No. He has been objectified as something to ignore. This is where the box comes into play. In order for us to feel OK with ignoring the homeless in this example, we betray our natural prediliction to help and begin to justify our behavior... "I'm in a hurry." "I don't have any money to spare." "I don't want to be seen as a soft touch." "Maybe he would attack me." "He would only buy drugs or alcohol with the money!" You see my point.

All of a sudden, though, we have dehumanized him in order to be comfortable with our choice. We had an opportunity to respond to our natural sense of decency, but chose to deny it. In justifying our behavior, we are "in the box" toward him.

To draw a parallel with another book, in Stephen Covey's "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" he relates the following story:

"One day on the subway, while quietly reading a book, I was interrupted by two wild children that got on with their father at a subway stop.

"The children were out of control, jumping up and down, running loudly through the subway car.

"The father seemed not to notice or care that his children were misbehaving and disturbing commuters…

"I approached the father and wanted to scold him for not controlling his children and teaching them respect for others…

The father agreed, and sighed sullenly, saying “yeah, I just don’t know what to do or say to them. We just came from the hospital where their mother died from a random assault….”

Hearing this story immediately changed Stephen’s paradigm of the children and the situation. He went on to explore this and counsel the man who had lost his wife.

When relating to peers in the workplace, students at school, or family members at home, it is important to our effectiveness that we do what we can to avoid seeing others as objects.

How will we be able to do this? Part three in this series will address the suggestions that the Arbinger Institute makes to pull us out of our boxes (and keep us out!)

 

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Being Out of the Box: Part 1

Have a look at this video I found recently. As you watch, keep in mind that the silver sedan has its windows open:

Thanks to a good friend of mine, Alan Feirer, I discovered two books that have already shaped the way I interact with each person with whom I come in contact. The Arbinger Institute has published two critically acclaimed tomes: Leadership and Self Deception and its follow up book, The Anatomy of Peace.

The mission of the Institute is to help people understand that improved effectiveness as a person can be had by looking within at how we see other people. It rises out of many decades of research and has a firm grounding in philosophy.

At its essence, the philosophy of improving our effectiveness boils down to whether we see other people as objects that stand in the way of our own goals of achievement and/or advancement, or if we see others as people just like us; with the same kinds of hopes, dreams, worries and fears as ourselves. Seeing others as objects is referred to by Arbinger as being "in the box."

Would you say that the drivers in the video are considerate of each other's humanity? Um, no. Each saw the other as in the way, and the driver of the SUV went so far as to feel justified enough to retaliate for what he or she felt was a wrong doing.

The humbling thing about thinking of people as objects is that we all do it at different times each and every day. We probably see people this way more often than we care to admit. This is a HARD truth, and one that I continue to grapple with.

According to these great books, how does one more specifically climb into or out of the box? Find out:

Being Out of the Box: Part 2

Being Out of the Box: Part 3

 

 

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Others

Around the turn of the last century, William Booth, the Founder of The Salvation Army, then very old, was preparing to send his annual Christmas message to the volunteers of that humanitarian organization around the world. In those days, communication was by telegraph, and you paid for each word that you sent. Booth thought long and hard about what would motivate the Salvationists and encapsulate the mission of the group. Since the Army was short on money, William Booth could only afford to send a one-word telegram to outposts around the world. 

That word was "OTHERS."

We are heading head-long into the Christmas Season. For many people in the developed world, it's a season of spending and gift giving. Commercialism of this season is at an all time high, and it seems as though when we don't think it can get any worse, the next year tops it. (How many of you began your Black Friday Christmas shopping this year on the evening of Thanksgiving Day?)

There is another way of looking at giving during the season of Christmas, of course. On December 25th we celebrate the birth of Jesus, God's Son, and a Man who gave us the ultimate gift: the gift of eternal life through his own death and resurrection. He bore the weight of our sin so that we may enter into the Kingdom of Heaven one day.

Did this gift come at a monetary cost? Of course not. Many times, the best and most meaningful gifts don't cost a penny. Giving to OTHERS our time and talents costs us nothing, yet can be more valuable to the recipient than any piece of technology or shiny bauble.

The beauty of giving of ourselves is that we can do it over and over again and not be any closer to bankruptcy. Quite to the contrary. As long as you have something of value internally to give to another person, you are rich. The more you give, the more you will receive!

I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to volunteer for several years in my teens at a nursing home near where I grew up. I still fondly recall my time helping the residents of St. Anne's Hospice. Now that I am nearly 40 and looking back on them, the value to my character and maturation was clear. My three children will have the same opportunity I had. You can take that to the bank.

This Christmas, look for opportunities to give to others the immeasurable gifts of your time and talent. Being better in life is not a one-sided endeavor. Just imagine the possibilities when you give away that which you have in abundance and of which will never run out!

I'd love to hear from you. What are some of the ways you have given of yourself? How did the experience affect you? If you have a Twitter account, please consider following me and/or use the hashtag #Others when tweeting your ideas.

More to come, but in the meantime, Happy Holidays!