No More Going Through the Motions

As I was driving in to work this morning listening to music from the local Christian rock station, Matthew West's song "The Motions" came on. I never heard it before, but it spoke to me immediately.

I want to "be better" in this life for lots of reasons, as I'm sure you do too. This chart from 2009 sums up where I am right now, what I'm thinking, and where I'm hoping to be.

This is my new theme song. See if it speaks you the same way, too.

Matthew West, "The Motions"

This might hurt, it's not safe

But I know that I've gotta make a change

I don't care if I break

At least I'll be feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking

What if I had given everything 

Instead of going through the motions?

No regrets, not this time

I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind 

Let Your love make me whole

I think I'm finally feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

‘Cause I don't wanna go through the motions 

I don't wanna go one more day

Without your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 

What if I had given everything 

Instead of going through the motions?

Take me all the way

(Take me all the way)

Take me all the way

(‘Cause I don't wanna go through the motions)

Take me all the way

(Lord, I'm finally feeling something real)

Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 

What if I had given everything 

Instead of going through the motions?

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 

What if I had given everything 

Instead of going through the motions?

Take me all the way

(Take me all the way)

Take me all the way

(I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)

Take me all the way

(Through the motions)

Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

How Guilt Can Zap Your Desire to Be Better (And What to Do About It)

I've wrestled lately with what I've noticed is a distracting and potentially debilitating side effect of the desire to become a better person, parent, spouse, son or daughter, mentor, teacher, colleague, friend, blogger, etc.: guilt.

I believe the feeling of guilt is derived from the lack of clarity of our life's priorities. How we can work on one part of our life while maintaining balance in another demands clarity of purpose and direction. The deeper we dip into becoming better at living intentionally, the more important the need for this clarity becomes. Without clarity, we begin to wonder if our internal GPS will take us to the right place, and doubt can lead to guilt that another potentially more important part of our life is being neglected.

We all have this issue bouncing around in our heads from time to time, and I believe it's a healthy side effect of living intentionally – as long as we realize that this feeling should be addressed as soon as possible. Constant reflection upon our priorities and how we act upon them is vital and necessary. After all, small corrections in our course over time will get us to where we want to go.

Keeping the most important priorities in the forefront of our daily journey is vital to reducing the guilt that flows from self-doubt.

The parable below has been a part of my thinking on this subject for a long time. I am not sure where I first read it or heard it told, but it illustrates the point I am trying to make here well.

One day, an old professor of the School of Public Management in France, was invited to lecture on the topic of “Efficient Time Management” in front of a group of 15 executive managers representing the largest, most successful companies in America. The lecture was one in a series of 5 lectures conducted in one day, and the old professor was given 1 hr to lecture. 

Standing in front of this group of elite managers, who were willing to write down every word that would come out of the famous professor’s mouth, the professor slowly met eyes with each manager, one by one, and finally said, “we are going to conduct an experiment”. 

From under the table that stood between the professor and the listeners, the professor pulled out a big glass jar and gently placed it in front of him. Next, he pulled out from under the table a bag of stones, each the size of a tennis ball, and placed the stones one by one in the jar. He did so until there was no room to add another stone in the jar. Lifting his gaze to the managers, the professor asked, “Is the jar full?” The managers replied, “Yes”. 

The professor paused for a moment, and replied, “Really?” 

Once again, he reached under the table and pulled out a bag full of pebbles. Carefully, the professor poured the pebbles in and slightly rattled the jar, allowing the pebbles to slip through the larger stones, until they settled at the bottom. Again, the professor lifted his gaze to his audience and asked, “Is the jar full?” 

At this point, the managers began to understand his intentions. One replied, “apparently not!” 

“Correct”, replied the old professor, now pulling out a bag of sand from under the table. 

Cautiously, the professor poured the sand into the jar. The sand filled up the spaces between the stones and the pebbles. 

Yet again, the professor asked, “Is the jar full?”  

Without hesitation, the entire group of students replied in unison, “NO!” 

“Correct”, replied the professor. And as was expected by the students, the professor reached for the pitcher of water that was on the table, and poured water in the jar until it was absolutely full. The professor now lifted his gaze once again and asked, “What great truth can we surmise from this experiment?” 

With his thoughts on the lecture topic, one manager quickly replied, “We learn that as full as our schedules may appear, if we only increase our effort, it is always possible to add more meetings and tasks.” 

“No”, replied the professor. The great truth that we can conclude from this experiment is:
If we don’t put all the larger stones in the jar first, we will never be able to fit all of them later.
The auditorium fell silent, as every manager processed the significance of the professor’s words in their entirety. 

The old professor continued, “What are the large stones in your life? Health? Family? Friends? Your goals? Doing what you love? Fighting for a Cause? Taking time for yourself?” 

What we must remember is that it is most important to include the lager stones in our lives, because if we don’t do so, we are likely to miss out on life altogether. If we give priority to the smaller things in life (pebbles & sand), our lives will be filled up with less important things, leaving little or no time for the things in our lives that are most important to us. Because of this, never forget to ask yourself, 

What are the Large Stones in your Life? 

And once you identify them, be sure to put them first in your “Jar of Life”. 

With a warm wave of his hand, the professor bid farewell to the managers, and slowly walked out of the room.

Take care of the large stones first – the things that REALLY matter. Set your priorities. The rest are just pebbles and sand. If you put the sand or the pebbles into the jar first, there will be no room left for the stones.

The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, you will never have room for things that are truly most important.

Pay attention to the things that are critical in your life. Take time to play with your children. Take your partner out for dinner. Take time to have a chat with your loved ones. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house and give a dinner party.

Sometimes the less important things in life can distract us, filling up our time and keeping us away from what really matters. I encourage you to take a moment and ask yourself, is your jar of life full of sand & pebbles or is it filled with large stones?

A Personal Look at Turning 40

So I recently turned 40. Like most middle age birthdays that end in a zero, this one got me thinking about life and how I'm living it.

I really don't feel different... my warranty period still seems to be in effect: parts and pieces are still working well enough, thank you very much. No, what is different this time around is what is happening between my ears.

I've been reading more, thanks to a growing interest in personal development fed by book and blog reading, writing, Twitter, Facebook, and friends. This perspective is a great thing, since milestones like a 40^th birthday take on new meaning when viewed through the lens of life's journey.

The average life expectancy in the United States is 77.97 years. By my calculations, I am about half way through my tour on planet earth. A lot has happened since my birth, of course, all of which has led me to where I am now. You are in the same boat, too. We are all a sum of our experiences and choices.

As I look ahead to the next 40 years, I am excited! When I think back on my life thus far, 40 years is a long time. A good chunk of it was spent just getting up to full speed in life and learning about living better.

Now that I'm moving rapidly down the road (passing milestones along the way), I have a better idea of what I want for me and those whom I love, I have many positive relationships in place, and I have a clear(ish) vision for my future. The pieces are in place! Time to ramp up and soar!