No More Going Through the Motions

As I was driving in to work this morning listening to music from the local Christian rock station, Matthew West's song "The Motions" came on. I never heard it before, but it spoke to me immediately.

I want to "be better" in this life for lots of reasons, as I'm sure you do too. This chart from 2009 sums up where I am right now, what I'm thinking, and where I'm hoping to be.

This is my new theme song. See if it speaks you the same way, too.

Matthew West, "The Motions"

This might hurt, it's not safe

But I know that I've gotta make a change

I don't care if I break

At least I'll be feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking

What if I had given everything 

Instead of going through the motions?

No regrets, not this time

I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind 

Let Your love make me whole

I think I'm finally feeling something

‘Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

‘Cause I don't wanna go through the motions 

I don't wanna go one more day

Without your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 

What if I had given everything 

Instead of going through the motions?

Take me all the way

(Take me all the way)

Take me all the way

(‘Cause I don't wanna go through the motions)

Take me all the way

(Lord, I'm finally feeling something real)

Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 

What if I had given everything 

Instead of going through the motions?

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

Without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking 

What if I had given everything 

Instead of going through the motions?

Take me all the way

(Take me all the way)

Take me all the way

(I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)

Take me all the way

(Through the motions)

Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

How Guilt Can Zap Your Desire to Be Better (And What to Do About It)

I've wrestled lately with what I've noticed is a distracting and potentially debilitating side effect of the desire to become a better person, parent, spouse, son or daughter, mentor, teacher, colleague, friend, blogger, etc.: guilt.

I believe the feeling of guilt is derived from the lack of clarity of our life's priorities. How we can work on one part of our life while maintaining balance in another demands clarity of purpose and direction. The deeper we dip into becoming better at living intentionally, the more important the need for this clarity becomes. Without clarity, we begin to wonder if our internal GPS will take us to the right place, and doubt can lead to guilt that another potentially more important part of our life is being neglected.

We all have this issue bouncing around in our heads from time to time, and I believe it's a healthy side effect of living intentionally – as long as we realize that this feeling should be addressed as soon as possible. Constant reflection upon our priorities and how we act upon them is vital and necessary. After all, small corrections in our course over time will get us to where we want to go.

Keeping the most important priorities in the forefront of our daily journey is vital to reducing the guilt that flows from self-doubt.

The parable below has been a part of my thinking on this subject for a long time. I am not sure where I first read it or heard it told, but it illustrates the point I am trying to make here well.

One day, an old professor of the School of Public Management in France, was invited to lecture on the topic of “Efficient Time Management” in front of a group of 15 executive managers representing the largest, most successful companies in America. The lecture was one in a series of 5 lectures conducted in one day, and the old professor was given 1 hr to lecture. 

Standing in front of this group of elite managers, who were willing to write down every word that would come out of the famous professor’s mouth, the professor slowly met eyes with each manager, one by one, and finally said, “we are going to conduct an experiment”. 

From under the table that stood between the professor and the listeners, the professor pulled out a big glass jar and gently placed it in front of him. Next, he pulled out from under the table a bag of stones, each the size of a tennis ball, and placed the stones one by one in the jar. He did so until there was no room to add another stone in the jar. Lifting his gaze to the managers, the professor asked, “Is the jar full?” The managers replied, “Yes”. 

The professor paused for a moment, and replied, “Really?” 

Once again, he reached under the table and pulled out a bag full of pebbles. Carefully, the professor poured the pebbles in and slightly rattled the jar, allowing the pebbles to slip through the larger stones, until they settled at the bottom. Again, the professor lifted his gaze to his audience and asked, “Is the jar full?” 

At this point, the managers began to understand his intentions. One replied, “apparently not!” 

“Correct”, replied the old professor, now pulling out a bag of sand from under the table. 

Cautiously, the professor poured the sand into the jar. The sand filled up the spaces between the stones and the pebbles. 

Yet again, the professor asked, “Is the jar full?”  

Without hesitation, the entire group of students replied in unison, “NO!” 

“Correct”, replied the professor. And as was expected by the students, the professor reached for the pitcher of water that was on the table, and poured water in the jar until it was absolutely full. The professor now lifted his gaze once again and asked, “What great truth can we surmise from this experiment?” 

With his thoughts on the lecture topic, one manager quickly replied, “We learn that as full as our schedules may appear, if we only increase our effort, it is always possible to add more meetings and tasks.” 

“No”, replied the professor. The great truth that we can conclude from this experiment is:
If we don’t put all the larger stones in the jar first, we will never be able to fit all of them later.
The auditorium fell silent, as every manager processed the significance of the professor’s words in their entirety. 

The old professor continued, “What are the large stones in your life? Health? Family? Friends? Your goals? Doing what you love? Fighting for a Cause? Taking time for yourself?” 

What we must remember is that it is most important to include the lager stones in our lives, because if we don’t do so, we are likely to miss out on life altogether. If we give priority to the smaller things in life (pebbles & sand), our lives will be filled up with less important things, leaving little or no time for the things in our lives that are most important to us. Because of this, never forget to ask yourself, 

What are the Large Stones in your Life? 

And once you identify them, be sure to put them first in your “Jar of Life”. 

With a warm wave of his hand, the professor bid farewell to the managers, and slowly walked out of the room.

Take care of the large stones first – the things that REALLY matter. Set your priorities. The rest are just pebbles and sand. If you put the sand or the pebbles into the jar first, there will be no room left for the stones.

The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, you will never have room for things that are truly most important.

Pay attention to the things that are critical in your life. Take time to play with your children. Take your partner out for dinner. Take time to have a chat with your loved ones. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house and give a dinner party.

Sometimes the less important things in life can distract us, filling up our time and keeping us away from what really matters. I encourage you to take a moment and ask yourself, is your jar of life full of sand & pebbles or is it filled with large stones?

A Personal Look at Turning 40

So I recently turned 40. Like most middle age birthdays that end in a zero, this one got me thinking about life and how I'm living it.

I really don't feel different... my warranty period still seems to be in effect: parts and pieces are still working well enough, thank you very much. No, what is different this time around is what is happening between my ears.

I've been reading more, thanks to a growing interest in personal development fed by book and blog reading, writing, Twitter, Facebook, and friends. This perspective is a great thing, since milestones like a 40^th birthday take on new meaning when viewed through the lens of life's journey.

The average life expectancy in the United States is 77.97 years. By my calculations, I am about half way through my tour on planet earth. A lot has happened since my birth, of course, all of which has led me to where I am now. You are in the same boat, too. We are all a sum of our experiences and choices.

As I look ahead to the next 40 years, I am excited! When I think back on my life thus far, 40 years is a long time. A good chunk of it was spent just getting up to full speed in life and learning about living better.

Now that I'm moving rapidly down the road (passing milestones along the way), I have a better idea of what I want for me and those whom I love, I have many positive relationships in place, and I have a clear(ish) vision for my future. The pieces are in place! Time to ramp up and soar!   

You Could Be Your Own Worst Enemy

What is your performance potential? I'm guessing it's greater than you think. The bigger question you should ask yourself is “How much less can I interfere with my potential for greatness?”

Every day in my music classroom I work with highly talented teenagers. These young people have huge amounts of performance potential. Most have one or more of the following that contribute to their potential: natural ability, high levels of intelligence, desire and/or work ethic. The same holds true for the adults that I associate with at school and in my private life.

However, I think you'll agree that the percentage of people (and I count myself in this group) who fall short of consistently reaching their full potential is much closer to 100 than 0.

What gets in the way of fully realizing our potential? I argue that it is our inner conversation that interferes with doing our absolute best. We talk to ourselves thousands of times per day. Among all the mundane self-chatter is self-talk that either elevates or deflates us.

Deflating self talk like “I'm not good enough,” “I am not ready,” “I will make a mistake,” or “I am afraid of what others will think of me” robs us of our true potential.

In the mid 1940's Claude Bristol referred to the incredible power of positive self-talk in his book “The Magic of Believing.” Modern day “success coach” Tony Robbins teaches the positive power of what he calls “incantations” to change your life. Further, Dr. John Izzo writes about the concept of minimizing negative self influence in his most recent book “The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die.”

Years ago, I read “The Inner Game of Music” by Timothy Gallway. In it, he outlines an equation that has stuck with me and that I continue to use with students today:

Po-I=Pe

This equation sums up this blog post rather nicely. Our potential (Po) minus our self-interference (I) equals our performance (Pe). The closer we can move “I” to zero, the greater our performance will be. Further, if you were able to overwhelm negative self-interference with positive self talk, your performance could conceivably supersede your potential!

This will take an intentional effort and much practice, but on the quest to be a better person, it will be well worth it!

Are You An Energy Sucker?

Are you an energy giver or taker?

I had my hair cut today. Rather than wait for the stylist to start conversation like usual, I began with a simple "how are you today?" What ensued was a 15 minute discussion detailing much of what was wrong in her life at present: two family members in the hospital, a manager that treats his employees poorly, and a slow work day were just some of the highlights. I wanted to leave.

I believe we can sense when we are with someone who is environmentally energizing or someone who is de-energizing. We are naturally attracted to people who are vivacious, bubbly, engaging, smart, interested and giving. Similarly, if we ARE those people, others are drawn to us.

Think about a bank. At its simplest, you walk up to teller and either make a withdrawal or a deposit. Challenge yourself to move throughout your day conscious of whether you're withdrawing or depositing into the emotional and energy banks of people around you. And just like investing, the returns usually take time to be realized.

In my afternoon high school concert band rehearsals lately, I prod my students -- many of whom have sat passively in other classes for a good part of the day -- to use their instruments to send vibrant sound energy and personality into the room. I tell them that they are either adding or subtracting to the environment, so work to add positively to the room. My request has yet to fail in creating a better sound and better results!

So it is with emotional energy as well. You have the choice. Make the investment and choose wisely!

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LeadershipNow 140: January 2013 Compilation

LeadershipNow 140: January 2013 Compilation:


Here are a selection of tweets from January 2013 that you might have missed:

• 4 Attitude Choices Every Leader Must Make by @leadersbeacon
• 10 Choices You Will Regret in 10 Years via @donhornsby
• Leading Change by @LollyDaskal
• @TheAtlantic: Why parents need to let their children fail
• Building the Skills of Insight from @stratandbiz
• The ability to experience negative emotions w/o falling through the floorboards is vital to leaders.
• What Happens When Executives Freak Out by @ScottEblin
• When Leaders Flame Out by Brian Evje
• Fake Amazon Page Is Best Online Resume Ever
• FT: From failure can come success
• Mike Henry Sr: 5 Harsh Truths Every Aspiring Leader Needs to Know
• Leading With Love: Just Say It by @LollyDaskal
• Why You're Not A Leader by @mikemyatt
• Ten Resolutions The Most Successful People Make And Then Keep by @theideamonkey
• What Does Success Really Look Like? by @TanveerNaseer
• How Multitasking Hurts Your Brain (and Your Effectiveness at Work) - Forbes
• Good resources from @MaxMckeown: If you want innovation, here's a mountain of creativity
• @GoodEthics: Marines piloting training prog using non-religious mindfulness practices for stress reduction @USMC
• 7 Simple Ways to Be a Positive Influence As a Leader by Christina Lattimer @pdiscoveryuk
• How People Learn by @farnamstreet - Shane Parrish
• Ideas are the Core of a Leadership Philosophy by @GeorgeAmbler
• Tyler Brule thinks people should pay to comment on columns.
• Building the Skills of Insight from @stratandbiz
• You're an Example, Like it or Not by Steve Keating @LeadToday
• The Introvert’s 2013 Business and Leadership Success Pledge @by lisapetrilli
• Read > The Leadership Gap by @LollyDaskal
• 10 Leadership Lessons for Gen-Y from Inc
• @MargieTrains: INFOGRAPHIC: Sittng is a Death Trap
• Hmmmm, that's interesting by @wallybock
• Nine Rules for Stifling Innovation by @RosabethKanter
• Richard Branson makes a case for leaders at all levels: “While it’s true that every company needs an entrepreneur...
• @adiversal: VIDEO - Funny Volkswagen commercial from Spain
• What Is Executive Presence? by @ScottEblin
• @harvardbiz: Your Employees Are Not Mind Readers by @DougConant
• Are Your New Year Resolutions Big Enough? by @jamesstrock
• As Augmented Reality Blurs Lines, How Will Companies Respond? by @jhagel and @jseelybrown
• Good rebels vs. bad rebels @LoisKelly
• @jhagel: Icarus myth warns us of dangers of standing up standing out making a ruckus-or does it @justinemusk on Godin
• The real definition of insanity by @TomAsacker
• David Brooks - those who don't suffer fools are just ill mannered. NYTimes - Suffering Fools Gladly
• @_robin_sharma: 50 Business + Life Lessons for Giant Goal-Getters
• How We Learn from @ucdavisexeced

See more on Twitter.

* * *

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Live With Integrity: Trust Your Gut

I've learned that to ignore the still, small voice -- of logic, conscience, or whatever you may call it -- inside of me is a Bad idea. Too many times have I pretended that a decision that I made was the right one when all along my gut was telling me otherwise.

Moreover, marginalizing that still, small voice and delaying a decision is usually just as difficult as making the wrong decision. In my career as an educator, I have procrastinated making a phone call or sending an email because the results could be painful. If only I could bottle the feeling of relief after resolving conflict. That would indeed be a valuable and potent elixir. One swig would remind me that to take care of a problem quickly and with integrity is nothing to fear.

My "gut" and I had our first professional "run-in" about 15 years ago. I was running a university summer music camp that had clearly defined rules and regulations that governed student behavior. During the first night of the week-long camp, two campers chose to break the rules. The following morning, it was my responsibility to call their parents and tell them to return to the university, pick them up, and take them home without the refund of several hundred dollars each. The plot thickened, as one of these two was the daughter of a university regent. For the sake of the other campers, I took swift and decisive action and trusted my gut. Luckily, the result was anything but painful. The parents understood, the campers went home, and my sense of relief is still memorable.

Some of us deal with important and difficult decisions every day in our profession. If not there, our personal lives are full of decisions that need us to be honest and forthright because they can -- and do -- affect other people.

What I found over time, though, is that confronting a decision and trusting my still, small voice has resulted in better outcomes than I could hope for.

Whether or not a decision was ultimately right or wrong, if I have made it based on integrity and/or my best intentions, I know that I will be more comfortable with dealing with any possible, difficult aftermath -- I have moral ground upon which to stand.

What is your still, small voice saying to you? Trust it.

 

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