Stop Should-ing on Me

Margot Thompson is a blogger that I follow on Twitter. She and I share the same thoughts on the word "SHOULD." Here's the beginning of her blog post from late October. The link to the full post is below the excerpt. Enjoy!

For most of my life, I've felt a huge pressure to be something or someone that in my heart, I really wasn't. Urged in certain directions by those I loved and respected, I just presumed they were correct, and it was me that simply couldn’t feel comfortable walking the “right” path. So often we tell ourselves what we should do or who we should be based on what others believe. I should be a straight “A” student. I should go to university. I really should socialize more. I should be married to a “successful” man. I should have children by now. I should make more money. What a load of shoulds.

via margotthompson.typepad.com

Success Through Failure

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. -- Wayne Gretzky

NBA star Kobe Bryant holds many, many records. He's the youngest player to score 24,000 points (31 years, 76 days) and the youngest player to score every thousand point increment above that through 32,000 points (36 years, 87 days); records previously held by the likes of Wilt Chamberlain and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. He is tied with Michael Jordan and two others for the most "All-Defensive Team" honors won in a career (9). He has been on 11 All-NBA First Teams (tied with Karl Malone), and is a 16 time NBA All Star. By most all statistical measures, he is a great basketball player.

There's one more stat that he added to his resume recently: most missed shots in a career. Kobe Bryant as of November 11, 2014 had missed 13,418 shot attempts. That's a lot. Michael Jordan missed about 9000. (But then again, Kobe has played 4 more seasons and 200 more games than Michael in the NBA.)

Kobe Bryant is taking risks without fear of failure. He is continually trying. He is continually working to get that ball in the hoop. It hasn't fallen through the metal ring over 13,000 times, but in the process of trying, he has become great and maintained greatness in his NBA career.


For me, the story is a bit less dramatic and certainly not a national sports headline grabber. This was my first year on a road bike: lycra shorts-and-all, seriously pedaling around central Iowa. My goal for the year is to ride 1500 miles, and I'm currently at 1409. I know there's a few weeks left in the year, but it's Iowa... it's pretty cold this time of year, and it gets dark awfully early. My life as a teacher and busy dad may not allow me enough tome to spend the 7-8 hours I need in the saddle to reach my goal.

Am I a failure if I don't reach my goal? I don't think so. While I'd like to think I'll find a way to pedal 91 more miles, here are some of the benefits I've already reaped through my efforts this year:

1. I biked 1409 miles!
2. I met dozens of wonderfully interesting people.
3. I have an expanded wardrobe of stretchy, breathable fabric.
4. I was with my children for their first 25 mile-long rides.
5. I biked across the state of Minnesota to raise money for MS research.
6. I raised over $2000 for MS
7. I saw parts of my state that I've never seen.
8. I lost weight and gained muscle (temporarily...)
9. I have a new appreciation for fitness and will pass that on to my children.
10. I gained excitement for the future, a more positive mindset, and have a renewed appreciation for goal-setting.

Not a bad list. 

On my reading list this summer was "Failing Forward" by John Maxwell. It's a great, easy read, and I recommend it highly. The book is a treasure trove of quotes pertaining to using failure as a stepping stone to success. My top five from the book:

• Embrace adversity and make failure a regular part of your life. If you're not failing, you're probably not really moving forward.
• The less you venture out, the greater your risk of failure. Ironically the more you risk failure — and actually fail — the greater your chances of success.
• If you are succeeding in everything you do, then you're probably not pushing yourself hard enough. And that means you're not taking enough risks. You risk because you have something of value you want to achieve.
• The next time you find yourself envying what successful people have achieved, recognize that they have probably gone through many negative experiences that you cannot see on the surface.
• The more you do, the more you fail. The more you fail, the more you learn. The more you learn, the better you get.

Now, will I reach my 1500 mile goal? I plan on it!